Yep, it's that time of week again. Time to face the music. I don't actually know how one faces the music, it being a rather ephemeral entity and all, but hey ho let's not worry ourselves with such metaphorical matters. X Factor's about to start.
I have to admit that I'm a little concerned about tonight's X Factor, after all it cannot possibly be anywhere near as dramatic as last week's. Kitty is no longer a part of the show and, unless there has been a major upset in the last half an hour that I haven't heard about, none of the contestants have been forced to leave having 'broken a golden rule'. As far as I'm aware, things are running smoothly down at the BT tower, so we might even start on time this week. How very boring.
Anyway, no time to complain as we're off. Theme = movie night. Sounds like a reasonably simple and self-explanatory theme. Wonder how far they can deviate from it this week.
Dermot and his usual crew kick things off. I hate these little dances and, as such, I refuse to devote much effort to writing about them. Moving on.
Craig (License to Kill - James Bond films)
He's very proud of how far he has come in the competition and still finds it strange being recognised by members of the public. He is also keen to emphasise that he's just a normal guy. I'd come to that conclusion on my own, thanks Craig.
It's pitch-perfect and all very impressive but I still can't see him winning the competition. I think he might be a bit too normal. The eyebrows are looking particuarly well groomed tonight and once I notice this I find them rather distracting and I can't not look at them. They put mine to shame. Might need to grab the tweezers in the break at this rate.
Louis doesn't think it was a brilliant song choice (audience boos) Tulisa agrees. Kelly thinks Craig always delivers vocally and she is about to give some constructive criticism but Gary presumably stamps on her foot under the desk and she chickens out. Gary tells us this negativity is 'lazy critique' by the judges. Cue several seconds of the judges talking over each other and generally making it about themselves, rather than the contestants. I do not hear what Dermot says because my dad actually does the high-pitched mimicky voice you probably used with your sibling(s) when you were about 8 to mimick Tulisa's protests against Gary.
Janet (Kiss Me - How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days)
Janet tells me she doesn't want to bore people with her performances. Thank goodness, Janet, because I didn't actually like being bored when you were singing last week. It was pretty boring. Heh.
I like this. It's a good song choice for her - suits her voice really well. And what's this I see? No, it couldn't be ... surely not? A smile? From Janet? She's not actually enjoying herself on stage is she? The only thing I'm not particularly fond of is the couple (presumably dancers?) canoodling on a bench to the left of the stage. Odd. Cowell wouldn't stand for such nonsense. And neither will I.
Louis is very positive. Tulisa is happy to see Janet back in her comfort zone (despite forcing her out of it a few weeks ago). Gary thinks Janet was really connected to the song. Kelly is very proud.
Amelia (Think/Freedom - Bridget Jones)
Kelly announces Amelia's song in a tone that suggests she thinks the fact that Bridget Jones is a British film will win her Brownie points. It won't, Rowland.
Amelia was quite disappointed to have been voted back into the competition as she was enjoying all the daytime television she was watching. Only joking, she loves being back. Obviously. Don't worry though: she's got Jeremy Kyle recording on series link so she can catch up afterwards.
At the risk of sounding like Louis, you know who she reminds me of? A young Christina Aguilera. I'm very impressed considering this is probably only the third time she has sung live in front of so many people but I don't really like her ...
Louis wonders why Kelly sent her home in the first week. Tulisa is happy Amelia is back but doesn't like the song (Louis completely disagrees). Gary thinks it was a great performance. Kelly thinks she did a 'great job mama'.
Random interlude: David Walliams is in the audience. He tells us his favourite is Johnny and that he wants him back. Dermot breaks it to him that that's not going to happen.
Misha (I Have Nothing - The Bodyguard)
Misha's had a tough week after her biological mother wrote to the media wanting to get back in touch with her. As much as I joke around and take the piss I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been for her and I'm keeping everything crossed that she manages to have a great performance.
Misha is wearing a very simple (for her) white dress and the focus this week seems to be very much on the song and her voice. No dancers. No crazy outfit. This is probably a wise move after she ended up in the bottom two last week. I like it a lot - her voice is utterly amazing - but I also like the crazy outfits we've seen in previous weeks and I hope she returns to them at some point.
Misha's in tears. Louis tells her it was one of the best performances. Tulisa doesn't know where to start with her positive comments and tells Misha she blew her away. Gary completely disagrees with everybody watching the show (oi Barlow, you and I are going to have issues). He also thinks she's being too safe in her performance and that she should go back to the Misha we've seen in previous weeks.
Little Mix (What's It Gonna Be - Set It Off)
This week Little Mix got to meet The Saturdays. One of them describes them as 'proper nice'.
Good start! Very good start actually. Really nice harmonies. Kelly would probably call them 'tight'. I'm not particularly familiar with the song but they seem to be singing it well. There's even a key change - they're a girl band, of course there's a key change. Just a shame there weren't any chairs for them to sit on and then stand at the key change. That would have been just swell.
Louis thinks it's incredible how much they've grown. Alright, Walsh, one of them already has body image issues. Kelly is very positive. She seems to get progressively more Southern as the show goes on because she's saying y'all a lot. Gary thinks it was their best performance to date but wants them to sing something that shows off their vocals more. Tulisa loves them and urges me to vote. I would, but I resent the fact that none of the money raised from the public vote goes to charity, so sorry Tulisa but Little Mix will just have to manage without my support.
Marcus (Higher and Higher - Ghostbusters)
Marcus enjoyed last week but got mixed comments from the judges. He got to meet Rebecca Ferguson. Where the chickens has she been in the last year?
He's got a massive (extremely jolly) choir behind him and it's like something out of Sister Act (that's a good thing by the way, just in case that wasn't clear). I love Marcus. He can't go wrong in my eyes. I even like the neon pink shoes.
Tulisa thinks it was amazing. Kelly thinks Marcus has shut the building down. I think this is a good thing but I'm not 100% sure. Gary thinks it was the performance of the night.
It's another tough one this week. They all sang well. Having said that, I wouldn't mind if Craig didn't return next week. Or Amelia.