Saturday, 26 November 2011

X Factor (26th November 2011)

We begin tonight's proceedings with some interesting news. Apparently I am not alone in disliking Tulisa's trademark arm gesture. Ofcom is investigating complaints that, by flashing her tattoo each week (The Female Boss), Tulisa is illegally advertising her perfume (TFB). The fact that she could have broken product placement rules just by showing her arm is, to me at least, rather hilarious and I am looking forward to seeing what she does in tonight's show.

So, quarter final week is upon us. This means there are only five acts remaining and, in order to pad the show out a bit, they will be performing two songs each. To complicate things further there will also be not one, but two, themes: guilty pleasure songs and songs by idols. I am intrigued by the former.

Do you think if I complain to Ofcom we can get Dermot to stop this RIDICULOUS 'dancing'? Because I'll do it. I've got my pen and paper ready on standby.

Just FYI Tulisa decides to ignore Ofcom and does a double arm salute. There'll be complaints ...

Little Mix (Justin Bieber/Diana Ross)
This week Little Mix went to Winter Wonderland. No, I don't know what connection this has to the show either but it looks like they had fun. Good for them.
The stage, for some unknown reason, looks like a '50s diner. Unfortunately I don't think they sound great ... but actually they're getting better by the time they start the Diana Ross part of the medley and by the end of it, it's not a bad performance. Just not a particularly exciting one.
Louis thinks it was lacking something this week, I'd agree. Kelly really really believes in these girls. She has lots of constructive criticism but she talks too fast for me to type them all. Gary enjoyed the performance and can't wait for the next one. Tulisa replies to Louis' comment by just saying 'sabotage, sabotage, sabotage' ... great comeback.

Janet (Hanson - Mmm Bop)
This week Janet turned on the Christmas lights in her hometown. Apparently she is not really a Christmas person (WTF? Get out, Devlin) but did enjoy switching on the lights. I should hope so too.
How is this a guilty pleasure? No, let me rephrase that - how does Janet know about this song? She can't have been more than a wee nipper when it was released. This is kind of boring ... and oh my god she's forgotten the words! That's the second time she's done that on the show. Two strikes and you're out, Miss Devlin. How can you forget the words to a song that is your guilty pleasure? Especially when there aren't really any words to remember.
Louis thinks she 'kind of messed up' (apparently she felt like she was going to chunder on stage - eeww). Tulisa thinks it is a mediocre performance but is positive that there is another song for her to redeem herself with. Gary says the performance was 'a real mess' - copy that, Barlow. Kelly reminds Janet she is a fighter. I disagree, Rowland - she's the most un-fighter-y person on the show. As if demonstrating my point, Janet whines pathetically about feeling ill to Dermot. Man up.
Incidentally, something which just I just spotted on twitter that made me laugh is someone saying, "Next time I forget to do something I'm going to blame sickness." Ha!

Misha (Cyndi Lauper - Girls Wanna Have Fun)
Following on from Gary's comments last week, Misha will be returning to the style of her original audition. Good move, Misha. I predict good things for this performance, don't let me down.
For the record, this does not qualify as 'guilty pleasure': this is just 'pleasure'. Please continue Misha. She's made the song her own and it's ace. I may even consider downloading it, that's how good it is. Seriously, there's nothing to pick apart and take the piss out of. In that respect it's a little disappointing.
Louis thanks god Misha is still in the competition. Tulisa agrees with me and tells Misha that there is 'not one bad thing to say about the performance'. Gary is full of praise. Kelly is also full of praise but the audience is chanting Misha's name and I can't really hear what she's saying.
Just one thing to note is that during her little talk with Dermot, Misha talks about herself in the third person. Put a stop to that right now, missy.

Marcus (Wham! - I'm Your Man)
Marcus informs me that Gary has been more than a mentor to him .... mmmmhmmmm? Oh apparently he just means he's been a friend. How dull.
It's good. It normally is. Again there's not much to take the piss out of ... although the dancers have all just produced tambourines seemingly out of nowhere. Where the chickens did they come from? I am flumouxed.
Louis thinks Marcus is a potential popstar - well I'd hope that's what you think by this stage of the competition. Tulisa loves it and describes the performance as 'a journey' - ugh. Kelly says Marcus gave her everything tonight. I think she actually has a bit of a crush on him. Gary orders Marcus to start believing in himself.

Amelia - who, according to Kelly, is ready to 'shut the building down' (T'Pau - China In Your Hand)
Meh, I am so bored by Amelia's VT that I can't be bothered to recap it.
Loving the dress! Very nice floaty number. Oh yes, the singing ... yep, all good in the hood except she does have a tendancy to edge towards shouting rather than singing. Maybe we don't give her a microphone next week and she can just belt it out?
Louis thinks she is a ready-made popstar. Tulisa says the vocal was beautiful and remarks on how Amelia gets lost in the music. Gary clearly has nothing interesting to say as he spends far too long reminding us of Amelia's journey through the competition. Kelly apparently didn't know the song before Amelia sang it.

Halfway there, folks. Hang in there.

Little Mix (Christina Aguilalelalrlelarla - Beautiful)
Obligatory chairs and dry ice. It's pretty good - some bits stick out because individually I don't think the girls are as good as Christina, but on the whole it's a very good version. And ahh, they all stand up and have a hug at the end. The Gremlin is in tears.
Louis thinks they've 'pulled it out the bag' and insists, again, that 'we need some girl power'. Kelly says it was a great job. Gary likes the friendship they have as a band. Tulisa thinks it was the best performance they've done. In case you're interested, my dad thinks this is 'absolute bollocks'. He's such a charmer.

Janet (Red Hot Chilli Peppers - I Don't Ever Want To Feel)
Hopefully she's been revising the lyrics since her last performance.
Great start - sounds very good ... but the chorus isn't great. At least she's remembered all the words so far. I have just noticed that there's a massive image of her head on the wall behind her and it's actually very unnerving. Take it away.
Louis wasn't crazy about the song choice but says that 'everybody in Ireland is lifting the phone and voting' for her. Prove it, Walsh, prove it. Gary doesn't think Janet's having a good week but likes that she has been her own person throughout the show.

Misha (Killing Me Softly)
Why is she really annunciating the 't' in softly? No one does that. Stop it.
Perfect song choice, Misha. I'd be shocked and disappointed if she doesn't get a record deal after the show. Regardless of whether she wins the competition or not she just looks and sounds like an established artist already.
Tulisa thinks this is Misha's best week. Gary prefered the first song. Kelly is very proud and says 'beautiful performance, mama'. High praise indeed.

Marcus (Stevie Wonder - Lately)
Amazing red grand piano! I want one. I'd learn to play it. Eventually.
I hate to admit it, but it's not a great start. Come on Marcus, sort it out. He begins to heed my advice and things start to improve. Bless him, no one can accuse him of not trying.
Louis reminds us that it is a talent show and that Marcus has talent - state the bleeding obvious, Walsh. Tulisa alludes to Marcus' tough childhood and praises him for just getting on with it. Kelly and Gary are both extremely positive.

Amelia (Kelly Clarkson - Since You've Been Gone)
I like the song but I fear that this is another opportunity for Amelia to shout at me for 3 minutes ... *volume down*
Amelia has decided to wander around the audience at the start of her song but don't worry folks, she makes it back to her podium just in time for the chorus. Disappointingly she wimps out of the really big notes, though this is probably a good thing for the sake of my ears. Thanks for being considerate, Amelia: much appreciated.
Louis thinks she makes it look effortless and he wants everyone in the north of England vote for her. Not anywhere else then, Louis? Tulisa wisely says that it was a little shouty. Gary thinks her songs are sometimes pitched a bit too high. Kelly says something about Amelia being able to hit the big notes in her sleep. Geez, she's that noisy while she sleeps? Crikey.

We are shown reminders of each performance and my hypothetical vote this week goes to Misha.

Whew, that was a long recap. Thanks for taking the time to read.

Saturday, 19 November 2011

X Factor (19th November 2011)

Yep, it's that time of week again. Time to face the music. I don't actually know how one faces the music, it being a rather ephemeral entity and all, but hey ho let's not worry ourselves with such metaphorical matters. X Factor's about to start.

I have to admit that I'm a little concerned about tonight's X Factor, after all it cannot possibly be anywhere near as dramatic as last week's. Kitty is no longer a part of the show and, unless there has been a major upset in the last half an hour that I haven't heard about, none of the contestants have been forced to leave having 'broken a golden rule'. As far as I'm aware, things are running smoothly down at the BT tower, so we might even start on time this week. How very boring.

Anyway, no time to complain as we're off. Theme = movie night. Sounds like a reasonably simple and self-explanatory theme. Wonder how far they can deviate from it this week.

Dermot and his usual crew kick things off. I hate these little dances and, as such, I refuse to devote much effort to writing about them. Moving on.

Craig (License to Kill - James Bond films)
He's very proud of how far he has come in the competition and still finds it strange being recognised by members of the public. He is also keen to emphasise that he's just a normal guy. I'd come to that conclusion on my own, thanks Craig.
It's pitch-perfect and all very impressive but I still can't see him winning the competition. I think he might be a bit too normal. The eyebrows are looking particuarly well groomed tonight and once I notice this I find them rather distracting and I can't not look at them. They put mine to shame. Might need to grab the tweezers in the break at this rate.
Louis doesn't think it was a brilliant song choice (audience boos) Tulisa agrees. Kelly thinks Craig always delivers vocally and she is about to give some constructive criticism but Gary presumably stamps on her foot under the desk and she chickens out. Gary tells us this negativity is 'lazy critique' by the judges. Cue several seconds of the judges talking over each other and generally making it about themselves, rather than the contestants. I do not hear what Dermot says because my dad actually does the high-pitched mimicky voice you probably used with your sibling(s) when you were about 8 to mimick Tulisa's protests against Gary.

Janet (Kiss Me - How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days)
Janet tells me she doesn't want to bore people with her performances. Thank goodness, Janet, because I didn't actually like being bored when you were singing last week. It was pretty boring. Heh.
I like this. It's a good song choice for her - suits her voice really well. And what's this I see? No, it couldn't be ... surely not? A smile? From Janet? She's not actually enjoying herself on stage is she? The only thing I'm not particularly fond of is the couple (presumably dancers?) canoodling on a bench to the left of the stage. Odd. Cowell wouldn't stand for such nonsense. And neither will I.
Louis is very positive. Tulisa is happy to see Janet back in her comfort zone (despite forcing her out of it a few weeks ago). Gary thinks Janet was really connected to the song. Kelly is very proud.

Amelia (Think/Freedom - Bridget Jones)
Kelly announces Amelia's song in a tone that suggests she thinks the fact that Bridget Jones is a British film will win her Brownie points. It won't, Rowland.
Amelia was quite disappointed to have been voted back into the competition as she was enjoying all the daytime television she was watching. Only joking, she loves being back. Obviously. Don't worry though: she's got Jeremy Kyle recording on series link so she can catch up afterwards.
At the risk of sounding like Louis, you know who she reminds me of? A young Christina Aguilera. I'm very impressed considering this is probably only the third time she has sung live in front of so many people but I don't really like her ...
Louis wonders why Kelly sent her home in the first week. Tulisa is happy Amelia is back but doesn't like the song (Louis completely disagrees). Gary thinks it was a great performance. Kelly thinks she did a 'great job mama'.

Random interlude: David Walliams is in the audience. He tells us his favourite is Johnny and that he wants him back. Dermot breaks it to him that that's not going to happen.

Misha (I Have Nothing - The Bodyguard)
Misha's had a tough week after her biological mother wrote to the media wanting to get back in touch with her. As much as I joke around and take the piss I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been for her and I'm keeping everything crossed that she manages to have a great performance.
Misha is wearing a very simple (for her) white dress and the focus this week seems to be very much on the song and her voice. No dancers. No crazy outfit. This is probably a wise move after she ended up in the bottom two last week. I like it a lot - her voice is utterly amazing - but I also like the crazy outfits we've seen in previous weeks and I hope she returns to them at some point.
Misha's in tears. Louis tells her it was one of the best performances. Tulisa doesn't know where to start with her positive comments and tells Misha she blew her away. Gary completely disagrees with everybody watching the show (oi Barlow, you and I are going to have issues). He also thinks she's being too safe in her performance and that she should go back to the Misha we've seen in previous weeks.

Little Mix (What's It Gonna Be - Set It Off)
This week Little Mix got to meet The Saturdays. One of them describes them as 'proper nice'.
Good start! Very good start actually. Really nice harmonies. Kelly would probably call them 'tight'. I'm not particularly familiar with the song but they seem to be singing it well. There's even a key change - they're a girl band, of course there's a key change. Just a shame there weren't any chairs for them to sit on and then stand at the key change. That would have been just swell.
Louis thinks it's incredible how much they've grown. Alright, Walsh, one of them already has body image issues. Kelly is very positive. She seems to get progressively more Southern as the show goes on because she's saying y'all a lot. Gary thinks it was their best performance to date but wants them to sing something that shows off their vocals more. Tulisa loves them and urges me to vote. I would, but I resent the fact that none of the money raised from the public vote goes to charity, so sorry Tulisa but Little Mix will just have to manage without my support.

Marcus (Higher and Higher - Ghostbusters)
Marcus enjoyed last week but got mixed comments from the judges. He got to meet Rebecca Ferguson. Where the chickens has she been in the last year?
He's got a massive (extremely jolly) choir behind him and it's like something out of Sister Act (that's a good thing by the way, just in case that wasn't clear). I love Marcus. He can't go wrong in my eyes. I even like the neon pink shoes.
Tulisa thinks it was amazing. Kelly thinks Marcus has shut the building down. I think this is a good thing but I'm not 100% sure. Gary thinks it was the performance of the night.

It's another tough one this week. They all sang well. Having said that, I wouldn't mind if Craig didn't return next week. Or Amelia.

Saturday, 12 November 2011

X Factor 12th November 2011

Howdie y'all! (I've been working on my generic American accent. Pretty good, no?)

Come on in out of the rain and sit yourself down. Let me take your coat for you. Do help yourself to nibbles. Can I get you a glass of wine?

So, I must start this evening's proceedings with some bad news. Are you sitting down? You've got your wine, haven't you? Good. I'm ever so sorry to be the one to break it to you, but Mr. Cocozza has decided to leave this year's X Factor. Mmm, yes, I know ... terrible shock, isn't it? Here is a video clip of a press conference he attended earlier in the week in which he explains the reasons behind his decision and apologises for his behaviour (please watch - it's very insightful).

I think that clears things up nicely, thanks Frankie.
So Frankie's departure has left a gap in the competition and the show's producers have decided that, instead of just having no one leave on Sunday, they would like to allow one of the four acts that was booted out in the first week of live shows to rejoin the competition. I am sure the decision was made out of the desire to give one of the acts another chance ... not because it was an opportunity to make more money from public votes.

Incidentally, while we wait for things to kick off, did you know that I am 23.75 years old today? I'm looking forward to 12th May 2013 because then I'll be 25.25 and I can sing this:

(Obviously the digits following the decimal point are not 'twenty five' but 'twenty five hundredths', however, 'twenty five hundredths' doesn't fit as nicely into the song so we shall have to deal with this inaccuracy when the time comes for me to sing in mid May 2013).

Right, let's get this show on the road, shall we? Oh, apparently the show is not ready to go on the road just yet as the itv announcer man announces that there are some technical difficulties preventing X Factor from starting. Talk amongst yourselves, folks.

After we are shown 'highlights' from this year's competition we are FINALLY able to start the live show and Mr. Dramatic reminds us that one act will be voted into the competition. I've already been through that, get on with it.

Dermot and his mini entourage of two enter and lordy, lordy, lordy they're really sticking with this dancing thing. It's still shocking. I'm sure if Simon was still here this malarky would be halted immediately.

Time for the judges to enter. Tulisa does the trademark stupid arm thing. Grr. Dermot informs me that tonight's theme is Lady Ga Ga and Queen. This is an odd combination but I'll go with it.

There is now a segment about Frankie leaving and, because I have already been over this, I am taking this opportunity to refill my wine glass. Cheers.

Singing first is Kitty (Queen - Don't Stop Me Now ). If she is wearing trousers or a skirt, or in fact ANYTHING on her bottom half I'll ... I'll ... I'll eat my hat. She starts things off in a chariot complete with dancers pretending to be horses (obviously) so I am unable to determine what she is wearing. Oh no! There is a skirt! Dammit. Well played, Kitty, well played.
Tulisa says the song suited her well. Kelly whitters on about something which I don't understand (I don't think Kitty understands it either). Gary offers some constructive criticism. Dermot draws our attention back to the 'prancing leather horses'.

After the break Dermot reminds me of the numbers to call to vote one of the four acts back in. You're alright, Derm, I won't be voting.

Craig is next (Ga Ga - Paparazzi). He tells me that he enjoyed his performance last week and was proud he managed to include some dance moves - did you Craigy? Did you? I remember side steps but not actual dancing.
Very simple staging and the song being slowed right down gives Craig yet another chance to show off his amazing voice. There's even a key change thrown in for good measure. It's pretty perfect and he's a nice guy but I just don't see him winning the competition. I don't know why.
Louis loves the arrangement. For Tulisa it was the best performance Craig has done. Kelly wonders if Craig realises how great he is and she likes that he made the song his own. Gary is obviously full of praise.

Another break and I miss the John Lewis Christmas advert because I am changing into jim jams (white with grey spots if you were wondering).

Phew, back in time to see Little Mix performing. I'm fairly sure Tulisa introduces them in a mock Cheryl Cole accent. Odd, Tulisa. Odd. Anyway, Little Mix were shocked that The Risk left last week. They are determined to work extra hard now that they are the only group left in the group. (Queen - Radio Ga Ga - which satisfyingly fits both criteria ... oh no it's now morphed into Ga Ga's Telephone. Confusing).
I like this. It's not particularly different from the original but it sounds good.
Louis thinks "Little Mix, big future" nice one, Walsh. Kelly wants them to tighten up their harmonies (cue booing from the audience). Gary thinks Tulisa is running out of ideas for them (cue more booing) and directly asks them whether they want to do something different. They clearly all DO want to do something different because there is much mumbling amongst them before one of them manages a "We'll take all of the judges' comments onboard" translation: "Yes, we'd like to do something different but we're afraid of expressing our views right now without checking with our mentor what our views are supposed to be."


Janet's up. Because she had a crappy week last week (forgetting the words and all that jazz) Kelly wants to remind her of the girl who came to auditions and bootcamp.
(Queen - Somebody To Love). Very slow, stripped back version. I'm not convinced. She sounds good but it's all just a little too boring for my liking ... dear lord this is dragging on.
Louis disagrees with me completely. Tulisa can see a market and a fanbase for Janet. Gary is starting to lose interest and wisely says that it was a boring performance. Kelly swoops in to defend her act. Dermot disagrees with the judges and bravely tries to take them on, saying Janet is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. He also tells me that it is Janet's birthday today. Happy birthday, Devlin.

Marcus is up next. He's starting to feel like he could become a pop star. That's the spirit, Marcus. He feels like he has finally found his identity. Good for you.
(Queen - Another One Bites The Dust) It's a kind of big band arrangement and, because I have a soft spot for this kid, I really like it. I would go so far as to describe it as toe-tappingly good. And there's even glitter thrown in at the end. Excellent.
Louis reckons he's got tonnes of charisma. Tulisa doesn't like Marcus doing the same style of song as last week as she feels he has more variety. Kelly agrees and wants him to have more fun on stage. Gary describes the girls' comments as 'tactical critique' - takes one to know one, Barlow. Did you really think Janet was THAT boring? I did, but I'm not the mentor of other acts in the competition. Just saying.

Oh, Lady Ga Ga will be performing on the Sunday show. The theme is making a little more sense.

Misha is next. She likes to know she has support 'out there'. Apparently the song she will be singing 'touches a special place in [her] heart' (Ga Ga - Born This Way). It starts off slowly. Please pick up the tempo, I'm not sure I can deal with another slow one. The tempo remains relatively slow but the sound of a load of marching band drums suddenly appears. Oh, there are also lots of dancers. Where did they come from? They are wearing costumes which remind me of Steps' Deeper Shade Of Blue video (that was an ace one, wasn't it?)
Tulisa thinks it was amazing and the performance reminded her that Misha is one of the strongest vocalists. Gary praises her attitude. Kelly is very proud.

We're nearly there, folks. Just one more to go. And the act returning to the competition is ... (yes we're already running 15 minutes late but we're still going to build up the tension) ... Amelia. I have neither good nor bad feelings about this. If I could sum up my feelings towards Amelia in a noise it would be 'meh'. Can she still be voted out of the competition tomorrow? That would be hilarious.
(Queen - Show Must Go On - love this song). How old is this kid? I had forgotten what an amazing voice she has. The performance is ever so dramatic - fireworks AND dry ice (I know, right?)
Louis doesn't know what to say (probably best not to say anything then, Walsh). Tulisa reckons she's come in at the same level as the other acts in the competition. Gary says it was sensational and smiles as he says "The Great British public love a come-back." Heh. Kelly wishes to welcome her the freaking back (actual words).

Well that's your lot! Tough call this week, I don't know who I would vote for. Possibly Amelia but I do think it would be hilarious if she left tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, feel free to leave comments.
Toodles x

Saturday, 5 November 2011

More X Factor

Evening all. Welcome to X Factor bloglet number two.


So this dancing thing is becoming a regular event now is it, Dermot? I hope you're getting paid extra because you look like a twerp. You know what would be good though? If the judges did a little routine. Kelly seems to hear me as she is moving and a-grooving up on stage. Tulisa joins in but dances like me, which is a bit of a fail. At least she doesn't do the arm thing. She must have received my letter.

FYI there will be two acts leaving the show tomorrow but don't worry if you forget this because we're likely to be reminded at regular intervals throughout the evening.

First up is Johnny. He wants Gary as a husband and is shocked that he is still in the competition (Johnny is shocked that Johnny is still in the competition. Johnny is not shocked that Gary is still in the competition. That would be silly). Singing Hung Up ..... and You Spin Me Round. Ok, I'm only going to say it once but a poppy is not a fashion accessory and, as such, I am disliking the sequined poppies.
Tulisa finds it predictable although she normally likes to watch him perform. Johnny is Kelly's guilty pleasure. Gary thinks it was like the opening of a pantomime in Scarborough. Way to piss of Scarborough, Gary.

Janet is next. Wait, is there a theme this week? I don't think so ... I don't think Dermot's told me about one ... even when there is one nobody seems to follow it. Oh oh oh Janet is apparently doing an upbeat song. It's I Want You Back. I like it but oh no she's forgotten some of the words eek! That's a bit of a no no for the live shows, Miss Devlin. She looks gutted.
Louis likes the interpretation and thinks Janet will go far in the competition. Tulisa thinks Janet should stick to the style of song she has sung in the past. Janet seems devastated. Kelly reckons it's still a good idea to experiment.

Back from the break and Dermot tells me about various Facebook and Twitter things but I am not paying much attention.

Next up is Craig. He is worried that, after so many positive comments in previous weeks, he is going to get some negative ones soon. Apparently he is also singing an upbeat song.

- On a side note the fireworks outside sound like actual bombs at the moment and it is rather scary -

Craig's singing Heaven and there's a bit of a dance routine involved. Well, sort of. It involves him moving side to side a bit. Goodness me the boy's got an impressive set of lungs on him.
Louis reckons Craig reminds him of a young Gary Barlow. The crowd is going literally mental - well not LITERALLY: I don't see anyone throwing their own poo or anything, but they're being rather noisy.

The Risk are on next and Dermot has just slipped in that it's club week. What the chickens? I am so confused that I miss the conversation they have with JLS. I'm sure it was incredibly insightful.
They're singing (and I use the term loosely) Night to Remember. They're pretty awful so one of them decides to do a rap in the middle of the song to disguise the out of tune singing. Seriously, if I was their mentor I would make them sing their parts individually until I found out which one was messing things up. Then give him the boot.
Louis says they're back in the race (WHAT?) Kelly gives them a bit of a pep talk. Gary talks sense and tells them that it was lacking vocally. Tulisa has nothing negative to say. I could think of a few things.

Why are the Mr. Men advertising Muller yoghurts?

Yay Marcus is singing. Gary tells me he has a 'full on dance routine'. Awesome song! Reet Petite. I love it already. I am enjoying the performance too much to write anything - it's ace.
Louis reckons Marcus is the perfect popstar. For what it's worth, I agree. Tulisa praises him for reinventing himself every week. Kelly likes watching Marcus 'grow' each week. One week I will play an X Factor drinking game in which I drink whenever a metaphor is used. If I give advance warning of when I plan to do this will someone drive me to A&E please?

Louis introduces Kitty. She tells me that she honestly had the most fun on stage last week. Kitty looks pretty scary without eye makeup. The producers have edited together various clips of Kitty making bizarre suggestions that make her look like a mental.
Singing Like a Prayer. Chooon. I have a feeling she is going to lose the black habit in a minute. Kitty does not disappoint and whips it off to reveal a black, sequined off the shoulder number and I am concerned her left boob will make an unwanted appearance. Luckily she manages to get to the end of the song without a wardrobe malfunction.
Tulisa says she's got raw talent and could have an arena tour. Gary liked the Bucks Fizz moment in the middle of the performance. I like the Bucks Fizz reference. Gary warns Kitty that she can't dance. He didn't say the same to Tulisa at the start of the show though, did he?

Frankie is saying the lyrics to Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night and he's not even managing to say them in tune. He has also forgotten to get dressed. What the hell is this? There are no words apart from perhaps 'Bye Frankie'
Louis tells it as it is and says the performance was like bad karaoke. The song didn't work for Tulisa. Kelly, with the sincerest face I think I've ever seen, tells Frankie he needs to work on his vocals as that is the only thing lacking IN A SINGING COMPETITION. Someone gag Louis, he seems unable to SHUT UP AND LET OTHERS HAVE THEIR SAY.

We're back from the break and, suprisingly, the judges don't seem to have killed one another.

Misha and her crazy hair are next. Being in the bottom two last week has motivated her. Some of her family have come to surprise her to give her a boost. There is a cute baby in the family.
Singing Proud Mary = awesome. I LOVE IT and am singing along to it. I wish I was as cool as Misha and her dancers.
Louis loves it SO much. Tulisa says it was a great performance. Mum chooses this point to give me chocolate from her trip to Rome so I lose interest in the show but I think everyone liked Misha.

Little Mix are closing the show tonight. I like this lot. They got to sing with Jesse J. No, I don't know why either. Tulisa wants them to 'live in this moment'. No, I don't know what she's on about either.
Singing Please Don't Stop The Music in rather metallic outfits. It's alright but they've been better in previous weeks. I don't think they deserve to go this week but they need to improve next time.
Kelly wants them to sing acapella. Gary reckons they've raided Johnny's wardrobe. Tulisa implores me to vote for Little Mix.

Dermot reminds us of the numbers to call to vote for our favourites and also that there will be two acts leaving. We are shown clips of every performance and I am off to eat chocolate.