Saturday, 5 November 2011

More X Factor

Evening all. Welcome to X Factor bloglet number two.


So this dancing thing is becoming a regular event now is it, Dermot? I hope you're getting paid extra because you look like a twerp. You know what would be good though? If the judges did a little routine. Kelly seems to hear me as she is moving and a-grooving up on stage. Tulisa joins in but dances like me, which is a bit of a fail. At least she doesn't do the arm thing. She must have received my letter.

FYI there will be two acts leaving the show tomorrow but don't worry if you forget this because we're likely to be reminded at regular intervals throughout the evening.

First up is Johnny. He wants Gary as a husband and is shocked that he is still in the competition (Johnny is shocked that Johnny is still in the competition. Johnny is not shocked that Gary is still in the competition. That would be silly). Singing Hung Up ..... and You Spin Me Round. Ok, I'm only going to say it once but a poppy is not a fashion accessory and, as such, I am disliking the sequined poppies.
Tulisa finds it predictable although she normally likes to watch him perform. Johnny is Kelly's guilty pleasure. Gary thinks it was like the opening of a pantomime in Scarborough. Way to piss of Scarborough, Gary.

Janet is next. Wait, is there a theme this week? I don't think so ... I don't think Dermot's told me about one ... even when there is one nobody seems to follow it. Oh oh oh Janet is apparently doing an upbeat song. It's I Want You Back. I like it but oh no she's forgotten some of the words eek! That's a bit of a no no for the live shows, Miss Devlin. She looks gutted.
Louis likes the interpretation and thinks Janet will go far in the competition. Tulisa thinks Janet should stick to the style of song she has sung in the past. Janet seems devastated. Kelly reckons it's still a good idea to experiment.

Back from the break and Dermot tells me about various Facebook and Twitter things but I am not paying much attention.

Next up is Craig. He is worried that, after so many positive comments in previous weeks, he is going to get some negative ones soon. Apparently he is also singing an upbeat song.

- On a side note the fireworks outside sound like actual bombs at the moment and it is rather scary -

Craig's singing Heaven and there's a bit of a dance routine involved. Well, sort of. It involves him moving side to side a bit. Goodness me the boy's got an impressive set of lungs on him.
Louis reckons Craig reminds him of a young Gary Barlow. The crowd is going literally mental - well not LITERALLY: I don't see anyone throwing their own poo or anything, but they're being rather noisy.

The Risk are on next and Dermot has just slipped in that it's club week. What the chickens? I am so confused that I miss the conversation they have with JLS. I'm sure it was incredibly insightful.
They're singing (and I use the term loosely) Night to Remember. They're pretty awful so one of them decides to do a rap in the middle of the song to disguise the out of tune singing. Seriously, if I was their mentor I would make them sing their parts individually until I found out which one was messing things up. Then give him the boot.
Louis says they're back in the race (WHAT?) Kelly gives them a bit of a pep talk. Gary talks sense and tells them that it was lacking vocally. Tulisa has nothing negative to say. I could think of a few things.

Why are the Mr. Men advertising Muller yoghurts?

Yay Marcus is singing. Gary tells me he has a 'full on dance routine'. Awesome song! Reet Petite. I love it already. I am enjoying the performance too much to write anything - it's ace.
Louis reckons Marcus is the perfect popstar. For what it's worth, I agree. Tulisa praises him for reinventing himself every week. Kelly likes watching Marcus 'grow' each week. One week I will play an X Factor drinking game in which I drink whenever a metaphor is used. If I give advance warning of when I plan to do this will someone drive me to A&E please?

Louis introduces Kitty. She tells me that she honestly had the most fun on stage last week. Kitty looks pretty scary without eye makeup. The producers have edited together various clips of Kitty making bizarre suggestions that make her look like a mental.
Singing Like a Prayer. Chooon. I have a feeling she is going to lose the black habit in a minute. Kitty does not disappoint and whips it off to reveal a black, sequined off the shoulder number and I am concerned her left boob will make an unwanted appearance. Luckily she manages to get to the end of the song without a wardrobe malfunction.
Tulisa says she's got raw talent and could have an arena tour. Gary liked the Bucks Fizz moment in the middle of the performance. I like the Bucks Fizz reference. Gary warns Kitty that she can't dance. He didn't say the same to Tulisa at the start of the show though, did he?

Frankie is saying the lyrics to Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night and he's not even managing to say them in tune. He has also forgotten to get dressed. What the hell is this? There are no words apart from perhaps 'Bye Frankie'
Louis tells it as it is and says the performance was like bad karaoke. The song didn't work for Tulisa. Kelly, with the sincerest face I think I've ever seen, tells Frankie he needs to work on his vocals as that is the only thing lacking IN A SINGING COMPETITION. Someone gag Louis, he seems unable to SHUT UP AND LET OTHERS HAVE THEIR SAY.

We're back from the break and, suprisingly, the judges don't seem to have killed one another.

Misha and her crazy hair are next. Being in the bottom two last week has motivated her. Some of her family have come to surprise her to give her a boost. There is a cute baby in the family.
Singing Proud Mary = awesome. I LOVE IT and am singing along to it. I wish I was as cool as Misha and her dancers.
Louis loves it SO much. Tulisa says it was a great performance. Mum chooses this point to give me chocolate from her trip to Rome so I lose interest in the show but I think everyone liked Misha.

Little Mix are closing the show tonight. I like this lot. They got to sing with Jesse J. No, I don't know why either. Tulisa wants them to 'live in this moment'. No, I don't know what she's on about either.
Singing Please Don't Stop The Music in rather metallic outfits. It's alright but they've been better in previous weeks. I don't think they deserve to go this week but they need to improve next time.
Kelly wants them to sing acapella. Gary reckons they've raided Johnny's wardrobe. Tulisa implores me to vote for Little Mix.

Dermot reminds us of the numbers to call to vote for our favourites and also that there will be two acts leaving. We are shown clips of every performance and I am off to eat chocolate.


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