Another Sunday, another Dancing on Ice recap.
This week all 13 celebrities will be performing. Holy Jesus this is going to make for a long bloglet. Alcohol may be required.
How about a drinking game? Feel free to rewatch the show as you read and join in with the drinking. Okay, rules. Drink every time:
1. One of the professional skaters says words to the effect of "I'm so proud of [insert celebrity's name]. It's been a tough week and [he/she] has done really well."
2. Louie says that he's not concentrating on skating technique, like the other judges, but the dance aspect of the performance.
3. Tony Gubba (the commentator) makes a pun/slightly back-handed compliment.
Excellent. If we stick to the above rules we should all be suitably plastered by the end of the evening. Don't worry, I'll prompt you when you need to be drinking ... and I suppose you could have a soft drink instead of an alcoholic one ... if you have to.
Tonight's show is the first of the year to have a theme: movies. Personally, I'm hoping someone will have a go at the Dirty Dancing lift. If anyone does I shall down my drink.
No performance from the professional skaters this week, presumably in order to fit everyone else in, so after a quick reminder of who everyone is, we're into the first performance of the night ...
Chico and Jodeynne (Top Gun)
Christopher Dean reckons Chico surprised himself by how good he was last week. Louie thinks that last week's performance was too cheesy, but Chico assures us that this week he will be coolness personified.
Oh he's good, isn't he? In the intro, Jayne mentioned that Chico could be a dark horse and I'm inclined to agree: he looks natural and confident on the ice. Very nice perfomance executed well.
Judges' scores: 18.0 - that's got to be one of the highest. I can't be bothered to check at the moment.
Jodeynne's proud - DRINK (rule 1)
Katerina thinks it was the perfect start to the night, Louie says he has a loving feeling (nod to the song they were skating to), Robin says that Chico is confident over the ice but that there isn't an arrogant bone in his body. Take note, Matthew, I'm taking that as a dig against your "I have a dancing background so I should be pretty good" attitude.
By the way, in one of my previous DOI bloglets I mentioned that Chico is a love him/hate him kind of a guy. I think I love him.
Also by the way, special mention to my sister, Sarah, who is watching DOI with me for the first time this series. If she comes out with any corkers I'll be sure to let you know.
Rosemary and Mark
Rosemary found last week incredibly scary and says she was disappointed in herself when she, quote, "Had that little whoopsie at the start of the routine." 'Whoopsie' in my world = accidental wee/poo so I laugh through the rest of their introductory video.
She's alright. A little shakey. Probably because she doesn't want a repeat of that whoopsie.
Tony - "Is she the fittest pensioner in the UK?" I'm taking that as a back-handed compliment because he didn't need to mention her age - DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 10.5
Robin wants Rosemary to have more confidence in her skating ability, apparently the way that Rosemary's excitement turns to fear on the ice breaks Katerina's heart. Louie doesn't see much of an improvement from last week.
Sarah enjoys the toilet humour ... 'Wind beneath my wings' ... 'let rip' ... 'little whoopsie'
Sam and Alexandra (Kung Fu Panda)
Sam is very worried about a backflip where he has to throw Alexandra over his head. He's also a little worried about looking like a twerp when he has to punch the air throughout the routine. Ah bless, the backflip at the end of the routine goes well and Sam celebrates before the end of the music.
Tony - "Well that backflip was dangerous ... but more so for the professional" DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 16.0
Phillip larks around with the sound guy by punching the air with added sound effects.
Katerina thinks the performance was flawless, Robin could apparently see into Sam's brain that he was worried about the backflip at the end of the routine. Could you, Robin? INTO his brain? I think you lie, sir. Louie is looking at the way the moves are executed, not so much the technical skating - DRINK (rule 2)
Disaster - I have run out of alcohol. Hold the fort for a sec will you?
Ugh, Matthew 'The Arrogance' tells Not Holly that he should have fallen over in his performance last week because he was so good that it'll be hard for him to top last week's routine. UGH. Get out my face, Matthew.
Chemmy and Sean (Sister Act)
Because I was ranting about Matthew I miss most of Chemmy's video but she seems to be having a tough time. This is good because Sean will probably say he's proud of her afterwards.
What an excellent song (Rescue Me) and they're even in habits! I love it! Ok, concentrate Becky. Well that didn't take long for Sean to whip the habit off Chemmy. I don't know what she was worried about - she's a bit shaky but she's fine. The lift towards the end of the routine looked a bit dodgey but all in all it's ok.
Judges' score: 10.5 so apparently I wasn't paying enough attention.
I swear Tony says "You wouldn't know it, but she wears a death egg" What. The. Hell?
Sean's proud - DRINK
Louie commends them for trying the lift at the end (I miss the name of it) and accuses Chemmy of having very stiff fingers, Katerina says Chemmy is a pretty big woman and shouldn't do the lifts (oh holy mackrel ... #awkward)
Moving very swiftly on we have
Corey (and his hair) and Brooke (Stand By Me)
Apparently there will be Michael Jackson moves in this VERY SLOW SONG. This may look ri-donk-ulous.
He does look a little twerpy with his backing dancers, just doing some MJ moves off the ice at the start ... and actually when they try to incorporate some of these moves into the routine it looks just as twerpy. Also his skating ability hasn't improved much since last week. And he still has his hair so it's pretty bad.
Judges' score: 8.0 #ouch
LMAO Phillip has a copy cat piece of Corey hair. What a joker he is.
Christopher Dean is proud of Corey's attitude ... that still counts as a DRINK in my books. Louie commends T&D for working with what they've got but that they don't have much in Corey. Geez, this section of the show is AWKWARD.
Holy crap there are still 8 performances to go. Hang in there folks.
Phillip and Not Holly try to amuse me but their jokes are lame. Bring back the Willoughby.
Jennifer and Dan (Dream Girls)
This week Jennifer has some big lifts. She finds it challenging. She is having rib owwies and apparently hasn't been able to get through the routine properly yet.
Apparently one of Sarah's friends, John used to do this song every week at karaoke. He closed his eyes and everything. Because we were chatting about this, Sarah and I sort of missed the whole of the skating routine. Judging by the replay it seems to have gone well though.
Judges' score: 18.0
Dan - "It was a tough week but we did it, well done Jen." DRINK
Louie was absolutely loving it, Robin wants Jennifer to get down into the ice a bit more by using her ankles ............... nope, no idea.
Mark (off of Sam and Mark) and Frankie (The Blues Brothers)
Mark thinks he needs to start stepping up to the mark - ha! I hadn't realised the pun until I just typed it. Hilarious. Oh, I'd forgotten it was Frankie the shrew. Ugh.
They start off the ice, somewhat more successfully than Corey and his MJ moves did. Once they get on the ice it's a little slow still but I don't think it's quite as shakey as last time.
Judges' score: 10.5 they're happy with the improvement (from 8.0)
Frankie's proud that Mark did everything she asked of him - DRINK
Katerina thinks the choreography is very clever because it "Hides what is not there" I love this woman. I actually love her. Louie thinks Mark is a bit ploddy.
Not Holly tries to cheer up Chemmy by telling her that she's trending on twitter. Well that's nice.
Jorgie and Matt (9 to 5)
I don't like that she spells her name with a J. Why can't she spell her name properly?
This week Jorgie struggles to master the 'sit lift'. She is concerned because this apparently puts her about 12 feet in the air ... what, Matt's about 6 feet and then has 6 feet arms? Moron.
What she lacks in spelling ability she certainly makes up for in skating. She's ace. Must be the best of the women
Tony - "Well Jorgie has unusually long fingers." DRINK
Judges' score: 21.5 the highest of the series so far.
Louie thinks it was fast, fun and furious, Katerina thinks Jorgie is like a shining jewel, Robin likes the versatility Jorgie shows.
Matthew and Nina (Saturday Night Fever)
Maybe Matthew won't be as arrogant tonight. Maybe I'll actually like him. Ugh, Matthew has taken it upon himself to choreograph his partner. Go away. Jesus Christ, during training Matthew drops Nina and falls on top of her. How chivalrous of you.
They start off the ice. I'm bored of this little trick now. Get on with it. Oh bloody hell why do I always dislike the good ones? Credit where it's due, he's very good. Not sure it'll be good enough to beat Jorgie though.
Judges' score: 21.5 and he matches Jorgie. Least he didn't beat her.
Nina trusts Matthew and is proud of him DRINK.
Robin says the skating skills are brilliant, Katerina agrees. Louie thinks the energy wasn't there tonight.
Charlene and Matthew (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)
I announce to Sarah, who hasn't seen previous episodes, that Charlene was in Dallas. My mum pipes up that she used to be known as the Poisoned Dwarf which is my favourite piece of information I've heard in a long time.
Again with the starting off the ice. That's enough of that, thank you. I like her. She's not really anything special compared to other celebrity skaters, but I really like her. She's pretty confident ... and I like her dress this week.
Judges score: 15.0
Matthew likes skating with Charlene because it's like "Working with a piece of Hollywood."
Katerina 'has pure enjoyment' from watching Charlene, Louie thinks the characterisation was fabulous.
Sebastien and Brianne (Donnie Darko)
This week these two are concentrating on skating with each other because of comments made by the judges. Good, because that annoyed me last week.
Hey, guess where they're starting, folks? Yep, exactly. They're much better at working together though ... but there's still a bit of him showing off what he can do rather than skating WITH Brianne.
Judges' score: 18.0
Sebastien finds it difficult to work with a partner because free running is all done alone. Really? How hard is it, as a human, to work with another human? Free running is a poor excuse.
We haven't had a DRINK in a while.
Andy and Vicky (Grease)
This week Andy's trying to look cool. So he enlists the help of Ray bloody Quinn? Bad move, Andy.
You know, he's not half bad, despite listening to Ray's advice.
Judges' score: 14.0
Jayne is surprised at how good his skating is. There's confidence for you.
Tony makes some comment about Andy's hair looking like Jedward. DRINK
Heidi and Andrei (Goldfinger)
Heidi didn't like being in the skate off. She is excited about this week's routine though. One of the Sugababes comes to lend moral support. Thanks, One of the Sugababes.
Holy bejeezus I wasn't paying enough attention at the start of the show. Heidi is in a gold catsuit. She looks stunning. Skating aint half bad either. She looks much more confident than she did two weeks ago.
Judges' score: 15.5
Heidi says she doesn't feel sexy when Andrei's telling her to 'get down on her knees' ... the audience realises what she's said before she does and there are several moments of sniggering all round.
After a quick round up of tonight's performances, Not Holly reminds us to tune back into the results show after 'The African Epic - Wild at Heart'. You just went up in my estimations, Not Holly.