Advent Calendar

Morning/afternoon/evening all! (Please delete as appropriate)

If you've not been reading my X Factor recaps, then long time no see! If you have been reading my recaps, then it's still long time no see - I was lazy last week and didn't get round to recapping the show - apologies.

Anyway, in a fit of insanity a while ago I decided that it would be a good idea to make a video advent calendar. I have no idea whether it'll actually continue all the way up to Christmas (bit concerned about having enough ideas), but seeing as it's now December, day one is uploaded and ready to watch if you're interested.

(Day One)

Many thanks if you do watch today's or any other future video!

X Factor 2012 (17th November)

Goshies, maybe I should start watching the X Factor results shows because they look terribly dramatic judging by the clips at the start of tonight's show.

Just when you think Dermot's given up on the 'dancing' thing, he suddenly breaks into Can't Touch This (this week's theme is guilty pleasures, you see). I am both excited by and apprehensive about this theme. I have a horrible feeling that I will think that many of these 'guilty' pleasures are just pleasures (I have a horrible feeling I thought that last year too).

Union J - Call Me Maybe
Last week was devastating (they were in the bottom two) so this week they're coming back fighting. Having first gone for a holiday - no it's not a holiday, it's a working trip because those roller coasters are really hard work - at Disneyland Paris.
I'm not sure about the suits, guys. The ninja dancers can stay though. Vocals are alright - they sound much better together than individually, so as long as they have more harmonies than solos they should be fine.
Tulisa's going to be really honest. She's not a big fan of the song so as soon as she hears it, she takes an instant dislike to it. Isn't that kind of the point of guilty pleasures though? You're meant to kind of hate the song? Gary says that if it's guilty to like that song, he absolutely loves it. Which doesn't work at all (he meant to say something like, if it's guilty to like that song, then I should be locked up, come on, Barlow, concentrate). The song is definitely a guilty pleasure for Nicole and she feels that the group did it justice. She wants them to be more creative with their staging though (she doesn't like them jumping off boxes, see). Louis reminds us that Union J are the only boy band left and he wants people to pick up the phone and vote. What wonderfully insightful words.

Ella - You're The One That I Want
Ella's had a great week. In fact she'd go so far as saying it's been the funnest week so far. Get back to school, Henderson. Clearly the education system isn't quite ready to let you go yet.
Interesting, slowed-down version of the song but because it's so, so famous I just want her to get a move on and sing it properly at full speed. Tulisa said earlier that she thought the idea of guilty pleasures week was to take a song which is a guilty pleasure and turn it into something cool. I'm not sure I agree actually. Ella seems to turn every song into a ballad which she can belt out (and don't get me wrong, she's damn good at it), but Tulisa also said a few weeks ago that the different themes each week give the contestants a chance to try different genres and see what suits them and their voice. Well, not really if you're just going to take a song from different genres and turn it into the exact same kind of song every week.
(I hope that rant made some kind of sense.)
Gary says it was Ella's best performance by far. Nicole didn't like the song (she mentions wanting it to pick up speed). Louis thinks the song choice was amazing and calls the performance electrifying. Tulisa calls Ella a little star.

James - Can't Take My Eyes Off You
James and Rylan have started a strange bromance this week. I'm not sure there's much more I can add anything to that statement, so moving on.
Ah, it's lovely. Just James and his guitar on stage. No unnecessary dancers.
Louis thinks James will definitely get a record deal. Tulisa loves it. Gary wants James to win the competition. Nicole says James is mesmerising.

Rylan - The 80s
Rylan went to Paris this week and held lots of babies and didn't drop any.
Rylan's performance this week comes directly from the 80s. Ugh, what can I say that I haven't already said about him? Nothing probably. The vocals are pretty rubbish, the staging is over the top, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
Louis says Rylan is already a household name. Tulisa says it wasn't one of her favourite performances but she still loves him. Gary: The good news is that you're famous, the bad news? Give it a couple of months. Lols. Nicole argues that Rylan always takes a risk, unlike other contestants.

Christopher - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
How is Christopher still in this competition? Seriously, I'm not even trying to mean but who is voting for him?
Oh Christopher you're never going to do this better than Bonnie. You're a fool for even thinking you could. The huge picture of his face, with laser beams shooting from his eyes, on the screen  behind him is also incredibly disturbing. Don't like it, don't like it at all.
Nicole says it was a lot to take in (she didn't care for the enormous face and weird, glowy eyes either). Louis says he must be doing something right because he's still in the competition. Tulisa says his vocals are always amazing. Gary feels the need to tell us that Christopher is a fantastic guy. I don't really care, Gary - I just don't want him to be in the competition any more.

Jahmene - Don't Leave Me This Way
Jahmene's had a very good week - his best performance, fan letters, a show in France, but he's freaking out about tonight's song.
Someone's put little Jahmene on a huge box. I'm worried he might fall off but he seems to get on with things and nails the performance (of course he does, it's Jahmene!)
Louis says Jahmene is his favourite contestant in the competition. Oh god, I agree with Louis. I need to go and have a lie down. Tulisa is running out of ways to kiss Jahmene's butt - her words, not mine. Gary says Jahmene's talent is ridiculous (he means Jah-mazing) but he says there are sometimes too many ad-libs for his liking. Nicole likes to call Jahmene's ad-libs 'Jahjazzles'. Of course she does.

And on that bombshell, I shall end tonight's bloglet. Thoughts on who will be in the bottom two? I think (and hope) Christopher and Rylan.

X Factor 2012 (10th November)

A thousand apologies for not recapping last week's show. I wasn't able to watch it live (I know, what's new there?) and then later discovered that Kye had left having been in the bottom two with Rylan. WITH RYLAN.

So I sulked.

Thankfully the sulking is now over and we can get on with tonight's show. Woot.

Theme: Best of British.

Oh holy crap, Wand Erection is/are on the show. I feel the sulk returning.

Christopher - I'm Still Standing
Christopher was apparently booed last week when he got through and the papers then accused him of voting for himself. Is that against the rules? If he is doing it, it's only his money he's wasting. We all know Christopher's not winning the X Factor, don't we? Let him vote for himself if he wants to. (He denies that he does this, by the way.)
Christopher seems nervous. This is a little out of his comfort zone and perhaps last week's boos are playing on his mind. Either way I don't think it's great. I am enjoying the 118-style dancers in the background though.
The audience loves it. Nicole likes the confidence but felt Chris was a little nervous. Louis thinks the song choice was good but that Chris isn't what the X Factor is about. Tulisa thinks Christopher has a great voice but that he always sings songs from the same era and she's bored. Gary thinks he nailed it.

Jahmene - Angels
Okay I shall try to rein in the Jahmene praise a bit this week.
He starts off a capella. It's Ja-mazing. Robbie should just stop performing this song because Jahmene does it better.
(I said I'd try)
Louis thinks Jahmene has star quality and that he should be in the final. Tulisa loves that Jahmene is a perfectionist. Gary says it was an incredible vocal performance. Nicole is moved and stirred by Jahmene.

District 3 - If I Saw You In Heaven
Can anyone actually name any of the members of District 3? Go on, have a go.
Nope, me neither.
Anyway, Tom, Dick and Harry have stripped back their performance this week (which means they're sitting on stools) and are concentrating on their vocals. The camera suddenly cuts to Louis, who is moving and a-grooving to this very slow song. He's an odd one.
Tulisa thinks Louis made a good decision in stripping everything back and concentrating on harmonies. Gary thinks there's something missing, but he doesn't know what. Nicole doesn't know what Gary's talking about because the boys brought tears to her eyes. She's rather emotional tonight. Louis blathers on about something but I'm pretty sure no one's listening.

Ella - Written In The Stars
Last week Ella realised she is the only girl left in the competition. No, she's not very observant, is she?
I'm starting to think that 'slowed down and stripped back' should be this week's theme. It's a really good version, though - I'm enjoying it. It's perhaps a little low for her at times but once she gets into the chorus it sounds ace.
Gary is fairly confident Ella won't be leaving the competition this weekend. Nicole reminds Ella she is the only girl left in the competition - is this her new thing now, instead of 'being only 16'? Louis thinks Ella is an old soul trapped in a young girl's body. Weird. Tulisa thinks the performance was epic. I have a bit of an issue with overuse of the word 'epic', so I don't agree with her, but it was still a great performance.

Rylan - Spice Girl Medley
As soon as Rylan heard that the theme was best of British, he knew that there was only one band he could sing. The Spice Girls (did you think he was going to say Wham too?) Turns out he is a massive, borderline stalker, fan of the girls.
He has his own video at the start of the performance! In it he skydives. Who else gets this much money spent on their performances? Pretty sure Barlow will take issue with this.
Oh yes, vocals. They're awful but what do you expect?
Louis thinks he's a brilliant showman (camp as Christmas but brilliant). Tulisa bloody loved it. Gary thinks it was brilliant fun (the audience goes mental at this point) but that the vocals were diabolical. Nicole climbs on the table and announces that it was a Rylan Spice explosion on stage.

Christ, Dermot's in the crowd again. Get out of there, O'Leary, they're probably germy.

Union J - Fix You
This week the boys are looking forward to their song as it has a strong connection with the armed forces. (Mum reckons they'll be singing In The Navy so I'm kinda disappointed when it's Fix You.) I don't know for certain, but I'm fairly sure this song has nothing to do with the army.
Tulisa thinks Louis is on a roll with his acts this week. Gary thinks it was a good performance. Nicole thanks them for recognising the men and women of the armed forces. The song has bugger all to do with the armed forces!

James - Home Town Glory
Judging by the video clips, James had an amazing time last week.
Sticking with this week's theme of slowed down and stripped back, James is alone on stage with his guitar. He's fast becoming a favourite of mine, actually. Not THE favourite, obviously. It's a very cool version of the song. I have no doubt that the judges will love it.
Louis thinks it's great to have someone like James on the X Factor because he's a brilliant interpreter of great songs. That was surprisingly erudite of Mr Walsh. Tulisa is happy to be a judge while James is on the show. Gary says it was brilliant and that James is ready to record an album right now. Nicole says James is the future of music.

I am told that Wand Erection will be performing. But there are no more contestants, right? Okay, TV off!

Thanks for reading :)

X Factor 2012 (27th October)

Seeing as it's another late recap, let's get straight down to business.

Last week MK1 left the show. I didn't like them (well, specifically her) so I wasn't particularly heartbroken.

This week's theme: Hallowe'en.

Dermot and his entourage enter to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Judging by the red devil horns he's wearing, someone's been to the Steps reunion tour recently.

The judges are here. Ah ha ha ha ha ha methinks Nicole didn't get the memo that we don't really do Hallowe'en here like they do in the States. Wonder how long it took to back-comb her hair to that height. Tulisa's opted for some slightly more subtle fangs. Gary and Louis have chosen not to dress up at all.

Gah, this is why I dislike watching on the ITV player (the picture's gone). Sound is still working, for the moment at least, so I shall persevere. Unfortunately this means I won't be able to admire/take the piss out of the contestants costumes. Fiddlesticks.

Dermot's just informed us that Lucy is unwell and won't be singing tonight. So we're down to nine performances.

Kye - Let Me Entertain You
Kye just wants to have fun this week (he was in the bottom two last time). Robbie Williams gives him some tips (which basically amount to 'go for it').
Having no picture really sucks. Vocals are good though. It sounds like he's doing a good job of getting the audience involved, which seemed to be his problem in previous weeks.
Nicole thinks it was a great way to open the show and that he came out swinging. Apparently there was dancing too. Dammit ITV player! Louis thinks it was probably a shock for Kye to be in the bottom two last time and he hopes he has done enough this week (he winds the audience up by suggesting it may not have been enough). Tulisa disagrees with Louis. She thinks Kye gave everything. Gary says Kye came back with a bang, boom and a crash. If you say so, Barlow.

Union J - (don't know the song)
Every time Union J get asked about what it's like to be in Union J, they tell people, "It's bananas." What fun, fun, incredibly simple guys they are. One of them tells us that every single second that they're awake, they're having fun. Even when you're on the toilet? I mean, necessary? Yes. Fun? Not so sure about that.
It doesn't start very well. They sing much better together than separately. I suppose that's good for a boy band and maybe I'm just being picky when I want them to be able to sing individually, but I'm not wowed.
Tulisa thinks the vocals are really good tonight but she reckons they played it safe. Gary agrees - he thinks it was safe. Nicole thinks it was absolute perfection. Louis believes in this group. Well that's nice to know.

The adverts play perfectly. Sound and picture. In fact, they're louder than the show. Grumble, grumble, stupid ITV player.

Rylan - (various)
Rylan's had a good week. Kylie and Robbie have apparently both shown support for him. Robbie's like the X Factor whore this week. It was also his birthday (Rylan's not Robbie's) and Nicole tricked him into thinking she couldn't go to his party. You tricky trickster, you.
Rylan vocals (without Rylan picture) is awful. It's another medley from him this week. Why does he do that? Does he feel it necessary to destroy three songs at once, instead of just one?
Rylan reminds Louis of a young Jean Paul Gautier - this is a good thing, I know because Louis told me. Tulisa says Rylan 'may not have the best voice in the competition'. May not? MAY not? Surely that's not even up for debate, is it?  Gary says it wasn't any worse than last week, that the music was so loud he couldn't hear Rylan singing, and that he liked the dancers. Nicole says it was her favourite performance so far.
Rylan says that if he gets through to next week's show, he'll just stand and sing (no gimmicks) to prove he can sing. Well I'll believe it when I see it.

Ella - Bring Me To Life
"I may be the youngest contestant in the competition, but I'm having the best time ever." Clearly 'being the youngest' is just Ella's thing now because why would being the youngest mean that you couldn't have the best time? Sigh.
Oh guess who Ella met this week? Yup. X Factor whore.
Vocals are ace, but you knew they would be, didn't you? This is Ella. I recommend listening to Ella without watching her - you totally forget she's so young - well, you do until she stops singing and reminds you of it.
Gary thinks it's disrespectful that people keep saying 'she's only 16' - well stop reminding us of it all the damn time, Barlow! Nicole says it was her least favourite performance of Ella's because it was in the wrong key. I love Nicole. She says the weirdest things and then surprises everyone by saying something that shows she actually knows what she's talking about. Louis doesn't like her hair because it's scary. Tulisa thinks Ella's special.

Christopher - I Just Died In Your Arms
Gary likes that Christopher uses his nerves positively, and he thinks Christopher is starting to believe in himself.
Vocals are good, but just like with Ella you expect that from Christopher. The audience is pretty quiet actually. You notice these things when you can't see what's going on - sort it out ITV.
Nicole says it was fun and that she felt like she was watching an '80s Hallowe'en pop opera. Louis says Christopher must be doing something right because he hasn't been in the bottom two yet - backhanded compliment if ever I heard one. Tulisa asks Gary how many '80s classics he's going to let Christopher destroy. Meow. Barlow doesn't have a comeback so just accuses Tulisa of having bad breath.

District 3 - Every Breath You Take/Beautiful Monster
Wow, Robbie Williams gave the guys some advice this week. Robbie Williams! Wow.
Ok, from the sound of it, Louis is going to be in their performance this week. I need to see this. YouTube to the rescue.
Oh disappointment. I misunderstood. Louis is not in this. Bored! I'm sulking now, I'm not even going to comment about their shaky vocals and weird make-up. Nope.
Tulisa loved it until they went into the Ne-yo bit. Gary thinks last week was a massive step forward and this week was a massive leap back. He's also fed up of mash-ups. You and me both, Barlow. Nicole agrees with Gary ... and me (re. their make-up). One of District 3 defends their mash-up choice by saying, "It's Hallowe'en and we did a monster mash-up." Leave. Leave right now. Someone escort that man from the building.

Sounds like Dermot's with friends and family. At least I don't have to see the plebs this week.

Jahmene - Killing Me Softly
It's time for my favourite. Yay. This week Samuel L Jackson asked Jahmene to sing for a charity thing he was doing. Take that, Robbie. Heh, Take That. Pun.
Ah it's perfect. Of course it's perfect. What do you expect me to say? I love this little dude. If you're expecting any sort of an unbiased critique of this guy you ain't gonna find it here!
Louis says Jahmene is the best singer in the competition. State the bleeding obvious, Walsh. Tulisa can't find anything negative to say. Don't try, Tulisa - there's nothing negative to find. Gary says it was effortless. Nicole says it was Ja-mazing (this earns an excited grin from me).

Jade - Freak Like Me
It sounds alright. I think I preferred her previous performances with slower songs that she can belt out, though. This one sounds a bit too fast (maybe she's dancing?) and like she's trying to catch up with the backing track.
Gary reminds us that Jade was unwell last week and has come back fighting. But he says that vocals were slightly weaker than usual. Nicole: "Thank god it's Hallowe'en because that was frightening." Louis thinks it was a bad song choice and that Jade didn't look comfortable. Tulisa argues (quite well actually) that the themes help contestants try new things and experiment with their style.

James - Sweet Dreams
Emile Sande wants to work with James - she told him backstage last week. So did Labyrinth. Good for you, James.
This is going to be ace. I can tell from the first three notes. In fact, I may well go and take another look at this on YouTube afterwards.

(I'm enjoying this too much to comment)

Louis loved it and says that a record deal can't be far away. Tulisa praises James for taking an old classic and then making it modern. Gary calls it incredible. Nicole says, "You are the difference. You are the difference." I don't understand but the audience likes it.


Right, I'm off to get a cup of tea and go and watch James' performance properly. Who left the show on Sunday?

X Factor 2012 (20th October)

I'm watching a repeat again. (Yes, I'm quite the social butterfly at the moment.)

Last week Melanie left the show and District 3 stayed. No, I wasn't very happy.

This week's theme: club classics.

Dermot's little gang is back this week. And my god he's really going for it - splits, flips and everything ... oh wait this is a body double isn't it? Ah, you got me, O'Leary.

Judges are here. Louis is in another polo neck. Just thought you should know.

Christopher - Waiting For A Star To Fall
Christopher is not a dancer. Apparently his routine will involve dancing. This is going to be ace.
So it's not so much 'dancing' as it is 'wiggling from side to side'. Vocals are pretty good but it's very boring. I've already lost interest and am thinking about what Rylan's going to be doing this week. Louis seems to be smirking to himself.
Nicole: "Who doesn't love a warm cheese toastie?" She's decided to embrace the cheese this week. It reminds Louis of a school disco. Tulisa officially doesn't get it because it's too cheesy. She makes a comment about Gary churning his own Stilton (wonder how long she's been thinking that one up?)

MK1 - (various)
Apparently last week was 'love and heartbreak' for MK1. Boo-friggedy-hoo.
Well it's much less Glee than last week, but I have an irrational dislike for these two, so I'm not interested. Nicole clearly loves it - she's waving her hands around in appreciation.
Tulisa wanted them to do their own rap. (Raps are easy - I've written one about cheese.) Nicole doesn't know what all the smack talk is about because she thinks it was frickin sha-mazing. I'm too stunned by 'sha-mazing' to concentrate on what the others are saying.

Jahmene - Say A Little Prayer
My favourite little smoochie face has had a difficult week because of some personal stuff that has come out in the papers. Stupid newspapers.
He's wearing a blue bow tie that matches his trousers - how adorable! He sounds ace (obviously) ...  no, wait ... he sounds sha-mazing. Heh.
Louis says that Jahmene continues to amazing him (he means sha-maze). Tulisa thinks he's adorable ... oh Jahmene's fighting back tears. Someone hug him and then smoosh his little face. Gary reckons Jahmene is a little clumsy when he moves round the stage. Takes one to know one, Barlow.
(Side note: you should know that my computer tries to change 'Jahmene' to 'jazzmen')

Jade - You're Free
Jade's had the 'worst week ever' (she's got a sore throat and has to rest her voice for 48 hours).
She sounds fine to me. Hopefully she's not doing more damage to her vocal chords, though.
Gary wants to know whether Jade's voice is healed yet (apparently it's not). Nicole wants Jade to 'own it more'. Louis thinks Jade looks, but doesn't sound like, a superstar this week. Tulisa's angry at his comments and punches him in the face. Or maybe she's just angry. But she should punch him in the face. He needs to learn how annoying he is.

James - Sexy And I Know It
James has had a tough week as well? The acts are just falling apart this week! (He had an anxiety attack and 'had to calm down'.)
This is a great version of the song - completely different but great! It's much slower and he's playing his guitar. Really enjoyed that!
Louis thinks James deserves a record deal. Tulisa really likes seeing the fun side of James. Barlow thinks it was amazing, amazing, amazing (yes, he means sha-mazing, sha-mazing, sha-mazing). Nicole says James is a revelation with swag 'if that makes sense' - no it doesn't, but I love you anyway.

Union J - When Love Takes Over
These guys had a good week last time so hopefully they can keep it up (I'm nice sometimes - I don't always want them to fail).
They start by sitting down, pretending to be nonchalant. Bets on them standing up halfway through the song? Vocals are alright but I think they did a better job last week. Maybe it was the winter coats, because they're not all wearing them today.
Tulisa thinks they're finding their feet and are getting better. Gary says we're witnessing the birth of a new boy band but he wants more harmonies. Nicole wants more energy. Louis thinks the public love this band. Woah there, Walsh. Love's a pretty strong word, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

Wouldn't it be marvellous if one of the acts completely disagreed with the judges' comments and started getting abusive? 'I'm going to take all your comments on board' is getting really boring.

Rylan - (various)
Yep, it's that time of the show people. Rylan is here. He's had a pretty traumatic week too. He had his beard shaved off.
Vocals are awful but that's really not why we watch Rylan, is it? Halfway through the song Rylan apologises for his behaviour. Because I haven't been reading any magazines this week, I have no idea what this behaviour is, but apology accepted, I suppose.
Louis thinks Rylan is not the best singer but he is the best entertainer. Tulisa thinks vocals were rusty but the entertainment factor was still there. Gary thinks it's not fair that every week Rylan stays in the competition, one of the good acts will be leaving. The audience doesn't like this. Nicole says he doesn't have the X Factor ... he has the X Y Z factor.

Lucy - Titanium
Lucy got drunk and fell over a lot this week. Apparently this offended some people and she and Rylan have been moved out of the hotel they're all staying in. Ok, whatever. Moving on.
She's alright. It's an interesting version of the song but it's not very sha-mazing. Tulisa's happily singing along though, so maybe I'm wrong.
Barlow likes that Lucy keeps us guessing. Nicole finds Lucy's lyrics endearing (she'd written the verses). Louis loves the new hair (excellent input). Tulisa thinks people connect with Lucy's words.

Dermot's with the plebs again. Get out of there, D, you don't know where they've been.

Kye - Save The World (maybe?)
Gary's counted all the flat notes from Kye's performance last week. There were apparently 32. Hopefully there will be fewer tonight.
Another slow version. Plenty of dry ice. The vocals are good. I'm wondering if maybe I'm not enjoying tonight's performances as much as last week's is because I don't really know the songs very well.
Nicole wanted the performance to be epic, and ... and ... and ... it was. You tease, you. Louis thinks it was the perfect performance. Tulisa thinks the Kye we know and love is back. Gary says he performed amazingly (sha-mazingly).

District 3 - Begging You
Please let them choose their own song this week, Louis.
Louis thinks they've been concentrating on their singing so much that they 'forgot to show their personalities'. Riiiiight. I'm always doing that - forgetting to show my personality. What a load of rubbish.
Yeah it's alright as far as boy bands go. The camera cuts to Louis, who is clearly enjoying it - what he's doing could almost be described as dancing (it's really a weird head-bop thing of smugness).
Tulisa thinks that last week gave them the kick in the butt they needed. Barlow thinks they're the revelation of tonight. Hasn't someone else been the revelation this evening? Nicole reckons they're giving the other groups a run for their money. Louis is full of praise.

Ella - You Got The Love
Ella was tweeted by Adele last week. Well Adele tweeted about her. She's excited that she'll be dancing and actually moving away from the microphone. Simple things.
She sounds perfect, but Gary's frowning. Maybe he's just worried about how his overs are going to beat Ella. Don't worry, Barlow, Jahmene's going to win so you don't need to worry about Ella. The sooner you realise this, the better.
Gary thinks that dance moves like Steps cheapen Ella. Me and you are going to fall out very swiftly Barlow. Nicole thinks Ella is beyond her years. Louis thinks she has the X Factor. Tulisa says she smashed it (this is a good thing, right?)


Any thoughts on who will be leaving?