Goshies, maybe I should start watching the X Factor results shows because they look terribly dramatic judging by the clips at the start of tonight's show.
Just when you think Dermot's given up on the 'dancing' thing, he suddenly breaks into Can't Touch This (this week's theme is guilty pleasures, you see). I am both excited by and apprehensive about this theme. I have a horrible feeling that I will think that many of these 'guilty' pleasures are just pleasures (I have a horrible feeling I thought that last year too).
Union J - Call Me Maybe
Last week was devastating (they were in the bottom two) so this week they're coming back fighting. Having first gone for a holiday - no it's not a holiday, it's a working trip because those roller coasters are really hard work - at Disneyland Paris.
I'm not sure about the suits, guys. The ninja dancers can stay though. Vocals are alright - they sound much better together than individually, so as long as they have more harmonies than solos they should be fine.
Tulisa's going to be really honest. She's not a big fan of the song so as soon as she hears it, she takes an instant dislike to it. Isn't that kind of the point of guilty pleasures though? You're meant to kind of hate the song? Gary says that if it's guilty to like that song, he absolutely loves it. Which doesn't work at all (he meant to say something like, if it's guilty to like that song, then I should be locked up, come on, Barlow, concentrate). The song is definitely a guilty pleasure for Nicole and she feels that the group did it justice. She wants them to be more creative with their staging though (she doesn't like them jumping off boxes, see). Louis reminds us that Union J are the only boy band left and he wants people to pick up the phone and vote. What wonderfully insightful words.
Ella - You're The One That I Want
Ella's had a great week. In fact she'd go so far as saying it's been the funnest week so far. Get back to school, Henderson. Clearly the education system isn't quite ready to let you go yet.
Interesting, slowed-down version of the song but because it's so, so famous I just want her to get a move on and sing it properly at full speed. Tulisa said earlier that she thought the idea of guilty pleasures week was to take a song which is a guilty pleasure and turn it into something cool. I'm not sure I agree actually. Ella seems to turn every song into a ballad which she can belt out (and don't get me wrong, she's damn good at it), but Tulisa also said a few weeks ago that the different themes each week give the contestants a chance to try different genres and see what suits them and their voice. Well, not really if you're just going to take a song from different genres and turn it into the exact same kind of song every week.
(I hope that rant made some kind of sense.)
Gary says it was Ella's best performance by far. Nicole didn't like the song (she mentions wanting it to pick up speed). Louis thinks the song choice was amazing and calls the performance electrifying. Tulisa calls Ella a little star.
James - Can't Take My Eyes Off You
James and Rylan have started a strange bromance this week. I'm not sure there's much more I can add anything to that statement, so moving on.
Ah, it's lovely. Just James and his guitar on stage. No unnecessary dancers.
Louis thinks James will definitely get a record deal. Tulisa loves it. Gary wants James to win the competition. Nicole says James is mesmerising.
Rylan - The 80s
Rylan went to Paris this week and held lots of babies and didn't drop any.
Rylan's performance this week comes directly from the 80s. Ugh, what can I say that I haven't already said about him? Nothing probably. The vocals are pretty rubbish, the staging is over the top, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
Louis says Rylan is already a household name. Tulisa says it wasn't one of her favourite performances but she still loves him. Gary: The good news is that you're famous, the bad news? Give it a couple of months. Lols. Nicole argues that Rylan always takes a risk, unlike other contestants.
Christopher - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
How is Christopher still in this competition? Seriously, I'm not even trying to mean but who is voting for him?
Oh Christopher you're never going to do this better than Bonnie. You're a fool for even thinking you could. The huge picture of his face, with laser beams shooting from his eyes, on the screen behind him is also incredibly disturbing. Don't like it, don't like it at all.
Nicole says it was a lot to take in (she didn't care for the enormous face and weird, glowy eyes either). Louis says he must be doing something right because he's still in the competition. Tulisa says his vocals are always amazing. Gary feels the need to tell us that Christopher is a fantastic guy. I don't really care, Gary - I just don't want him to be in the competition any more.
Jahmene - Don't Leave Me This Way
Jahmene's had a very good week - his best performance, fan letters, a show in France, but he's freaking out about tonight's song.
Someone's put little Jahmene on a huge box. I'm worried he might fall off but he seems to get on with things and nails the performance (of course he does, it's Jahmene!)
Louis says Jahmene is his favourite contestant in the competition. Oh god, I agree with Louis. I need to go and have a lie down. Tulisa is running out of ways to kiss Jahmene's butt - her words, not mine. Gary says Jahmene's talent is ridiculous (he means Jah-mazing) but he says there are sometimes too many ad-libs for his liking. Nicole likes to call Jahmene's ad-libs 'Jahjazzles'. Of course she does.
And on that bombshell, I shall end tonight's bloglet. Thoughts on who will be in the bottom two? I think (and hope) Christopher and Rylan.