Apologies for it being a day late, but here it is, DOI bloglet number five! Enjoy.
An advantage of the recap being late is that I'll be watching the show on the itv player and have that most magical of magic options: pause (no, unfortunately we don't have the ability to pause live TV in this household. We're not that hi-tech).
To start things off the itv player decides to advertise the film 'One Day' to me, telling me that it is the perfect gift for Valentine's Day. There are two things wrong with this, itv player. Firstly, I do not have a Valentine and secondly, I've read the book and found it horribly tedious. I have absolutely no desire to watch the film. Ever.
Clearly the itv player isn't convinced by my dismissal of 'One Day' and tries to persuade me that it really is the perfect gift for Valentine's by showing me the advert again. You and I are going to fall out, itv player.
Judging by a quick recap of last week's show it seems that everyone enjoyed THE DUEL and is looking forward to the theme this week of pop songs.
itv player is obviously in a mischevious mood today and chooses this moment to stop working. When I reload the page guess which advert I get? At what time of day does it become acceptable to start drinking?
Ah look, Wand Erection have turned up to try and cheer me up. They're even in little suits, bless them. Unfortunately for them I did not like them when they were on X Factor as individuals, I liked them less when they became a band and I like them even less now they're popular and doing well for themselves. Lovely aren't I? They sing/mime their way through one of their songs while T&D and the professional skaters perform and try to take my mind off annoying DVD adverts and out of tune singing.
When it's all over and I can remove the cotton wool from my ears, Phillip and Not Holly turn up to say hello and inform me that Wand Erection will be peforming again later. Again? You spoil us, DOI producers.
Aaaargh! Technical issues lead to me being told for the fourth time about 'the perfect gift for Valentine's day'. So that I don't bore you silly, I'll just make a note at the end of the bloglet of how many times I've had to sit through THAT advert, and not keep mentioning it all the way through.
Jennifer and Daniel (Vogue)
Jennifer tells us that last week was the first time she's skated and enjoyed herself. Dan says that her state of mind and attitude towards skating has completely changed for the better. Mr. Dean attributes an improvement in Jennifer's skating to a boost in her confidence. I'm expecting good things from her perfomance this week.
I'm in agreement with Christopher: there does seem to be an improvement in her skating this week and, although you can never tell for sure, she looks like she's enjoying herself on the ice. Unfortunately for Jennifer there are the Jorgies and Matthews of the competition, and in comparison to them, she hovers around the 'somewhat average' group of celebrities. Having said that, it was a good, clean performance, if at times a little slow, and a nice way to start the show.
Judges' score: 17.0
Louie thinks it was a lovely perfomance, not fantastic, but lovely. Robin (who, for some bizarre reason, looks like a middle aged business man tonight) commends Jennifer's confidence over the ice.
Sam and Alexandra (Wake Me Up)
This week Sam is working on overcoming his nerves, which apparently let him down last week. As well as having to cope with the prop of a double bed (of course), Sam has also been given an over the shoulder lift, which is apparently rather tricky. In training he seems to like dropping Alexandra.
Fantastically ridiculous 80s outfits distract me from the fact that the song has been chopped up in very annoying places. Thankfully Sam manages to keep hold of Alexandra and not drop her during the lift. Probably because he didn't actually stand up straight but lent forward so it didn't look as impressive as it could have.
Judges' score: 16.5 (best so far)
Sam is grateful that Alexandra trusts him despite dropping her numerous times. She is a fool! Katerina comes out with a corker when she describes Sam as a 'surprise egg' because when you open up you never know what you're going to get. I love her ridiculousness. Louie blabbers on about Sam keeping tension in his arm. Robin thinks Sam took two giant (metaphorical) steps forward this week.
Charlene and Matthew (Poker Face)
"Hi, it's me, Suzie Skate-Off." Feeling a little sorry for ourselves, Charlene?
Charlene's goal this week is not to end up in the skate-off. My spidey senses tell me you won't achieve this goal I'm afraid.
Professional skater Matthew is bloody loving this song choice! Holy mackrel, Jennifer's not the only one who can do the splits ... and it's all the more impressive with Charlene's more ... mature age.
Judges' score: 13.5
Charlene is disappointed. Matthew doesn't really care because he's still excited about the song.
Robin criticises Charlene for not putting anything new into her routine and relying on Matthew to push her around the ice. Katerina agrees. Louie make some positive comments about the dance content and Charlene's impressive flexibility and he encourages her to do the splits on a tilt in the future. He demonstrates for us and Charlene copies. Lots of clapping and cheering from the audience.
Sebastien and Brianne (Fire With Fire)
As Phillip introduces this couple he raises my hopes by saying that Sebastien is a big fan of Steps (are we going to be treated to one of their classics?) ... because he jumps off them everyday (oh, probably not ... it was just a reference to the free running thing, dammit Schofield).
T&D are confident that Sebastien will soon be snapping at the heels of Jorgie and Matthew, and so they decide to give him a number of tricky jumps in his routine this week. Unfortunately for Sebastien, mastering them on the ice is proving a lot tougher than mastering them off the ice because ice is "slippery and unpredictable". No shit, Sherlock.
Oh. My. God. Pause! Since the recording of their training Sebastien seems to have grown a mohican. I'm not sure I like it and I am suspicious of where it's come from. Seriously, how did he grow that in a week? Maybe it's a stick-on mohican. It's probably a stick-on.
He's certainly improving. Not quite as good as Matthew yet but I find him more exciting (yes, probably because I don't like Matthew). The jumps which he struggled with in training seem to cause him no problem on the night and he's doing so much better at skating with his partner these days.
Judges' score: 21.5. Tony tells me this equals the best score so far.
Louie is full of positivity and IS EXCITED AGAIN (he shouted), Katerina is in love with Sebastien's spirit, Robin is enthusiastic about how much Sebastien has to offer.
Heidi and Andrei (Price Tag)
Heidi was annoyed with a little stumble in her routine last week but was encouraged by the fact that she won immunity.
There's a quick shot of Chris explaining some of the choreography and he says something along the lines of "So you've got the price tag here and then you throw it away." Oh no no no no no! We're not literally acting out the song are we? That would be a rather big fail in my books.
T&D are very happy with how far Heidi has come in the competition and so they decide to challenge her by giving her a section in the routine where she must let go of Andrei and skate independently. This seems to cause issues. It's week five and the idea of skating on her own is causing ISSUES. What the hell? Heidi makes excuses, saying that it's not about him holding onto her because she can do the sequence when she and Andrei are only just touching finger tips. Basically she's just being a wuss.
Yep, she has an oversized 'pricetag' in her hand which she waves at us. Yes, we've seen the connection to the song title, Heidi, just get on with it. She skates backwards and finds that Andrei (standing still in his best mannequin pose) has a price tag hanging from his wrist. What a co-inky-dink. On his is the word SALE written in nice, big letters which we can't fail to see. Heidi is very pleased by this sale item and gives an overly dramatic wink to camera as if to say 'What a bargain, eh?' It's all very pantomime-y and tedious.
Apart from the sequence when she has to skate independently (which seems quite painfully slow), the rest of the routine is good. Clearly this week is all about the splits because Heidi decides to do it/them upside down above Andrei's head. As you do.
Judges' score: 16.5 (her best so far) Heidi is very pleased with this. She talks about the independent step sequence and describes it as being "literally in me 'ead." Literally? LITERALLY? Literally that step sequence was IN. YOUR. HEAD? Ugh.
Robin wants Heidi to allow herself to have confidence without Andrei, Louie thinks the routine was simplicity at its best and enjoyed it a lot. Katerina thinks Heidi grows week by week. Careful, Katerina, you've already called Chemmy 'a big girl'.
Andy and Vicky (500 Miles)
This week Andy took Vicky to the Coronation Street set so that they could spend more time together and practise the routine as much as possible. Yep, a soap opera set sounds like the perfect place to practise an ice skating routine.
During training, Chris said that he wanted Andy to show off his comedic talent on the ice. This routine allows him to do that but unfortunately sometimes at the expense of him showing off his skating ability. I don't know, maybe I'm talking rubbish and the judges will disagree.
Judges' score: 17.5. Jayne thinks Andy is the most improved celebrity since the start of the show.
Katarina (apparently I've been spelling her name incorrectly for 4 weeks, sorry) likes the partnership Andy and Vicky have, Robin thinks Andy is engaging and fun to watch. Louie says that Andy makes him smile. So yes, I clearly was talking rubbish.
After the advert break there is a special guest. It's only Gordon the ruddy Gopher! Love that puppet.
Chemmy and Sean (The Locomotion)
Last week gave Chemmy a confidence boost (which means 'beating Corey last week gave Chemmy a confidence boost'). This week she's skating to Kylie which is rather a coincidence because, as she tells Chris, someone recently said to her that she looks like Kylie. That person was clearly a moron. Chemmy looks nothing like Kylie.
Apparently lots of concentration is required in this routine because there are a number of lifts and technical moves. Chemmy is understandably concerned because of comments Katarina made a few weeks ago about the sight of Chemmy doing big lifts scaring her to death. Jayne tries to assuage these concerns by reasoning that Katarina probably meant it was too early in the competition for Chemmy to be doing the big lifts. I don't think that's what she meant, Jayne. I think she just meant that Chemmy's too big for her partner to lift, simples.
Technical difficulties mean that the routine looks more like a stop motion animation, but the audience seems to enjoy it. Also, apparently there was a banana spin lift towards the end.
Judges' score: 20.0
Robin likes the power and energy, Katarina likes that Chemmy only did the lifts to her partner's shoulder because she wants her to stay out of the 'danger zone' so that she can compete for her country in the 2014 Winter Olympics. Louie wants Chemmy to pull back on speed and power so he sees more elegance and finesse. General mutterings of disapproval from the other two judges.
Matthew and Nina (The Look of Love)
This week Matthew has suffered with a bad back which has prevented him from being on the ice much. This makes him nervous for the live performance.
I may be overly critical of Matthew but I really don't think this is anywhere near one of his best performances. There are no stumbles or obvious mistakes, but it doesn't amaze me. The sit lift which was mentioned in the VT doesn't seem to be done properly - Matthew doesn't straighten his arm. It's probably down to the back pain and the judges will probably let him off for this week.
Judges' score: 23.0 Yep. Judges are judging him on what he CAN do, not what he did this week.
Louie loves the consistancy and fluidity. Katarina disagrees and says that she could tell Matthew was nervous. She's so wise. Robin says he scored Matthew so highly because he did more than anyone else will do in terms of technical moves. Little bit harsh to write off the rest of the celebrities before even seeing them, Robin.
Chico and Jodeyne (Don't Stop Moving)
Apparently there are lots of elements in Chico's routine this week and he's been working on the inbetween moves, which Louie picked up on last week.
It's good. I actually don't think it's far off Matthew's performance and I'm expecting a similar score to his 23.0 if the judges are judging on what he did THIS WEEK and not in previous weeks.
Judges' score: 21.5. I'm happy.
Katarina commends the control and independence Chico has on the ice, Robin advises Chico to look after himself instead of giving so much to everyone else. Louie wants more diversity.
Chico reminds us to follow him on twitter. Sorry Chico, 5 minutes on a Sunday night is enough of you for me.
Rosemary and Mark (It's Got To Be Perfect)
Rosemary enjoyed not having a major hiccough in the live show last week. T&D have given Rosemary a 'fun, flirtatious' routine. She has a big lift which looks so messy in rehearsal that I'm worried for her. There is also some danger of her vomitting all over the ice too. Yay.
Well, the upside down sick lift (Rosemary's terminology) doesn't really look any neater in the liver performance than it did in training but she thankfully manages to keep control of her stomach. Unfortunately it still looks like Mark's pushing her round the rink.
Judges' score: 17.0 For some mad reason Katarina awards a 7.0. Come on, Katarina, you're meant to be the sensible one.
Louie thinks the routine was similar to last week's. Katarina thinks she is charming and elegant and that that deserves a 7.0. I think she's been on the dizzy water. Robin praises the basic quality of Rosemary's skating skills.
Jorgie and Mat (One More Time)
Jayne (very seriously) tells me that Jorgie's routine is fast and must be carried out with precision.
Mat thinks that the challenge will be to make all the elements look seemless.
It looks pretty seemless to me!
Judges' score 24.0 Best so far (beats Matthew - heh)
Robin thinks that Jorgie encapsulated the role of Britney throughout the routine. Katarina liked the combination of concentration and enjoyment on Jorgie's face. Louie praises them for their finesse.
'One Day' advert count: 12. Twelve. Bloody. Times.
Monday, 6 February 2012
Monday, 30 January 2012
It's All Greek To Me
Ever heard someone use that phrase?
"It's all Greek to me."?
No, me neither. But it's a phrase. A phrase which basically means that something is so utterly incomprehensible because of its complexity, that if you tried to understand it, your brain would spontaneously and immediately LEAK OUT OF YOUR EARS, leaving your brainless, braindead body as a twitching heap on the living room carpet for a loved one to discover several hours later. Nice.
Okay, slight exaggeration but you get the point.
For me, conversations about knitting are currently 'all Greek' (see earlier bloglet entitled 'New Year's Resolutions'). So I try not to think too much about all the odd terminology and the fact that 'dropping one' doesn't have anything to do with farting, and just get on with plodding through another row of practice stitches without muttering instructions to myself too loudly (front to back, bring the wool round, back to front and off).
Greek, in comparison, is nowhere near as confusing!
Okay so Greek, when it's written down, does have a tendancy to look like a completely baffling, alien language, I'll grant you. However, I am willing to bet (and I'm not really one for gambling) that you'd be surprised at how much you already know. In order to prove my point (not to mention my hypothetical bet) I have compiled a list of words which we use today that come directly from Greek. And the first one you've already read three times on this page.
1. Phrase - phrazein = to express/tell
2. Philosophy - philos = love, sophia = wisdom. If you know any philosphers why not follow them to a park (they love parks) and shout, "You wisdom lover!" at them. Then hide behind a bush just in case they get angry about someone disturbing their philosophical train of thought.
3. Hippopotamus - hippos = horse, potamos = river. Don't bring this one up around horses. They take great offence to being compared to hippos.
I would just like to point out that words in this list have something in common with the contestants who get through to the next week on X Factor when Dermot reads the results; they are revealed in no particular order. So don't try to find a logical jump from 'philosophy' to 'hippopotamus', it'll just make your head hurt.
Moving on ... if we carefully select bits from numbers 2 and 3 and squish them together in a beautiful, squishy mess, we come up with ...
4. Philippa. The name literally means 'horse lover'. If you know a Philippa and she doesn't love horses, kindly suggest she changes her name.
5. Telephone - tele = far, phone = sound. Because when you speak to someone on the telephone you're hearing a sound (well, a voice) which comes from somewhere far away ... cool, eh? Speaking of phone ...
6. Xylophone - xylon = wood, and you already know phone = sound. So the xylophone is the wooden one. Anything else and it's a glockenspiel but that comes from German and I haven't received sufficient training to write about German words, so we'll move swiftly on.
7. Euthanasia - eu = good, thanatos = death
8. Monarchy - monos = only/one, arkhein = to rule
Monos also rears its cute, little head in other English words which we've pinched from the Greeks, for example ...
9. Monotheism - theos = god
10. Monogamy - gamos = marriage
Incidentally, the opposite of 'monogamy' ('polygamy') contains another Greek word ...
11. Polygamy - polus = many
12. Polyglot (someone who speaks many languages) - glossa/glotta = tongue
13. Sarcophagus - sarkophagos (yep, we pretty much just nicked the whole Greek word and plonked it into English, substituting Greek letters for our own) = limestone coffin/eating flesh. I think it is fantastic that they thought up a single word to mean 'eating flesh'. I suppose we have 'carnivorous' but that's Latin and therefore for another bloglet on another day.
While we're on the happy subject of flesh-eating ...
14. Sarcasm - sarkazein = to strip off the flesh. So basically sarcasm is a form of comedy which intends to wound the flesh of another person. Word.
15. Atmosphere - atmos = steam/vapour, spharia = a ball/sphere. I would love one day to comment on the bad atmosphere in a room by saying, "Goodness, there's quite a negative ball of vapour in here, isn't there?" But, because I'm not an actual loser, despite appearances, I probably never will.
16. Stethoscope - stethos = chest/breast, skopein = to look at. A stethoscope allows a doctor to 'look at' a patient's chest ... despite the fact that they're not actually 'looking' but 'listening'. The Greek for 'to listen' is akouein (from which we get 'acoustics') so it should probably be called something like a stetho-acoustic instrument. But it doesn't roll off the tongue particularly well, so they went with stethoscope.
I wonder if anyone, for a house-point can now work out what number 17 literally means ...
17. Telescope - ??? (answer's at the bottom of the bloglet - no peeking!)
18. Architect - arkhi = chief (a bit like arkhein meant 'to rule'), tekton = builder/craftsman. I think I prefer the term 'chief craftsman' to architect.
19. Pathology - pathos - pain/suffering, logos (which can mean so many things, e.g. word, language, promise, speech, story, account, report, statement, reason), I suppose here it means 'cause' or 'study' of.
20. Cryptic - kruptos = hidden. Though, judging by my poor success rate with cryptic crosswords, I could make a fairly strong argument for kruptos actually meaning 'bloody impossible'.
21. Epitaph - epi = on, taphos - tomb. You can't escape the ancient Greeks' influence on our language even after death!
22. Photograph - "But Becky, kodak wasn't around when the Greeks were wandering round in their togas, how can 'photograph' come from Greek?" I hear you cry. Now let's not all be panicky pandas about this. I can explain.
phos/photos = light, graphe = picture/drawing. I won't pretend I understand much of what goes on inside a camera when you take a picture, but I know that the film being exposed to light is an important factor ... though maybe not now with digital photography, which clearly is just black magic at work ... Anyway, the important thing to take from this is that a photograph is a 'light picture'. How cute.
23. Astronaut/Cosmonaut - astron = the stars, kosmos = the universe, nautes = sailor. The idea that you could literally be a star sailor, or a UNIVERSE SAILOR makes me want to sign up to the space programme immediately.
24. Democracy - demos = the people, kratos = power/strength. Power to the people, my friends.
25. Acropolis - acro = top part/high point, polis = city. So the acropolis in Athens is just the top bit of the city. It's got nothing to do with the white building ... apart from the fact that it's underneath it.
[Answer to number 17. Telescope - tele = far, skopein = to look at/examine. Literally 'telescope' means to look at/examine something far away. Give yourself a pat on the back if you managed to work it out.]
"It's all Greek to me."?
No, me neither. But it's a phrase. A phrase which basically means that something is so utterly incomprehensible because of its complexity, that if you tried to understand it, your brain would spontaneously and immediately LEAK OUT OF YOUR EARS, leaving your brainless, braindead body as a twitching heap on the living room carpet for a loved one to discover several hours later. Nice.
Okay, slight exaggeration but you get the point.
For me, conversations about knitting are currently 'all Greek' (see earlier bloglet entitled 'New Year's Resolutions'). So I try not to think too much about all the odd terminology and the fact that 'dropping one' doesn't have anything to do with farting, and just get on with plodding through another row of practice stitches without muttering instructions to myself too loudly (front to back, bring the wool round, back to front and off).
Greek, in comparison, is nowhere near as confusing!
Okay so Greek, when it's written down, does have a tendancy to look like a completely baffling, alien language, I'll grant you. However, I am willing to bet (and I'm not really one for gambling) that you'd be surprised at how much you already know. In order to prove my point (not to mention my hypothetical bet) I have compiled a list of words which we use today that come directly from Greek. And the first one you've already read three times on this page.
1. Phrase - phrazein = to express/tell
2. Philosophy - philos = love, sophia = wisdom. If you know any philosphers why not follow them to a park (they love parks) and shout, "You wisdom lover!" at them. Then hide behind a bush just in case they get angry about someone disturbing their philosophical train of thought.
3. Hippopotamus - hippos = horse, potamos = river. Don't bring this one up around horses. They take great offence to being compared to hippos.
I would just like to point out that words in this list have something in common with the contestants who get through to the next week on X Factor when Dermot reads the results; they are revealed in no particular order. So don't try to find a logical jump from 'philosophy' to 'hippopotamus', it'll just make your head hurt.
Moving on ... if we carefully select bits from numbers 2 and 3 and squish them together in a beautiful, squishy mess, we come up with ...
4. Philippa. The name literally means 'horse lover'. If you know a Philippa and she doesn't love horses, kindly suggest she changes her name.
5. Telephone - tele = far, phone = sound. Because when you speak to someone on the telephone you're hearing a sound (well, a voice) which comes from somewhere far away ... cool, eh? Speaking of phone ...
6. Xylophone - xylon = wood, and you already know phone = sound. So the xylophone is the wooden one. Anything else and it's a glockenspiel but that comes from German and I haven't received sufficient training to write about German words, so we'll move swiftly on.
7. Euthanasia - eu = good, thanatos = death
8. Monarchy - monos = only/one, arkhein = to rule
Monos also rears its cute, little head in other English words which we've pinched from the Greeks, for example ...
9. Monotheism - theos = god
10. Monogamy - gamos = marriage
Incidentally, the opposite of 'monogamy' ('polygamy') contains another Greek word ...
11. Polygamy - polus = many
12. Polyglot (someone who speaks many languages) - glossa/glotta = tongue
13. Sarcophagus - sarkophagos (yep, we pretty much just nicked the whole Greek word and plonked it into English, substituting Greek letters for our own) = limestone coffin/eating flesh. I think it is fantastic that they thought up a single word to mean 'eating flesh'. I suppose we have 'carnivorous' but that's Latin and therefore for another bloglet on another day.
While we're on the happy subject of flesh-eating ...
14. Sarcasm - sarkazein = to strip off the flesh. So basically sarcasm is a form of comedy which intends to wound the flesh of another person. Word.
15. Atmosphere - atmos = steam/vapour, spharia = a ball/sphere. I would love one day to comment on the bad atmosphere in a room by saying, "Goodness, there's quite a negative ball of vapour in here, isn't there?" But, because I'm not an actual loser, despite appearances, I probably never will.
16. Stethoscope - stethos = chest/breast, skopein = to look at. A stethoscope allows a doctor to 'look at' a patient's chest ... despite the fact that they're not actually 'looking' but 'listening'. The Greek for 'to listen' is akouein (from which we get 'acoustics') so it should probably be called something like a stetho-acoustic instrument. But it doesn't roll off the tongue particularly well, so they went with stethoscope.
I wonder if anyone, for a house-point can now work out what number 17 literally means ...
17. Telescope - ??? (answer's at the bottom of the bloglet - no peeking!)
18. Architect - arkhi = chief (a bit like arkhein meant 'to rule'), tekton = builder/craftsman. I think I prefer the term 'chief craftsman' to architect.
19. Pathology - pathos - pain/suffering, logos (which can mean so many things, e.g. word, language, promise, speech, story, account, report, statement, reason), I suppose here it means 'cause' or 'study' of.
20. Cryptic - kruptos = hidden. Though, judging by my poor success rate with cryptic crosswords, I could make a fairly strong argument for kruptos actually meaning 'bloody impossible'.
21. Epitaph - epi = on, taphos - tomb. You can't escape the ancient Greeks' influence on our language even after death!
22. Photograph - "But Becky, kodak wasn't around when the Greeks were wandering round in their togas, how can 'photograph' come from Greek?" I hear you cry. Now let's not all be panicky pandas about this. I can explain.
phos/photos = light, graphe = picture/drawing. I won't pretend I understand much of what goes on inside a camera when you take a picture, but I know that the film being exposed to light is an important factor ... though maybe not now with digital photography, which clearly is just black magic at work ... Anyway, the important thing to take from this is that a photograph is a 'light picture'. How cute.
23. Astronaut/Cosmonaut - astron = the stars, kosmos = the universe, nautes = sailor. The idea that you could literally be a star sailor, or a UNIVERSE SAILOR makes me want to sign up to the space programme immediately.
24. Democracy - demos = the people, kratos = power/strength. Power to the people, my friends.
25. Acropolis - acro = top part/high point, polis = city. So the acropolis in Athens is just the top bit of the city. It's got nothing to do with the white building ... apart from the fact that it's underneath it.
[Answer to number 17. Telescope - tele = far, skopein = to look at/examine. Literally 'telescope' means to look at/examine something far away. Give yourself a pat on the back if you managed to work it out.]
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Dancing on Ice 2012 (4)
Week 4 already? Goodness.
Last week Mark (off of Sam and Mark) was the third celebrity to leave the show, leaving 12 couples to skate this week. Speaking of this week, there seems to be A BIG TWIST which I don't fully understand ... okay, I wasn't listening properly when Christopher Dean told me about it on a trailer earlier on in the week and now I look silly because I don't know what's happening. The gist of it seems to be that a couple will go head-to-head with another couple in order to win immunity from the skate-off. Gillian McKeith will be exempt from this due to medical reasons ...
What I am puzzled about is a) whether all couples will be fighting against another couple (or it's just one couple vs another couple) and b) how the couples going head-to-head have been chosen. I'm sure Phillip will make everything clear but, to be honest, I'd prefer T&D to give them a required move/element like they have in previous years, rather than try to jazz things up with confusing 'versus battles' which I don't care about.
Anyway, good news is T&D are performing this week. So all hope is not lost.
Thankfully the introductory video answers some questions about THE BIG TWIST (which seems to be called, officially THE DUEL). Turns out each couple will be competing against another couple for immunity from the skate-off and they will also be on the ice at the same time as their opponents, sharing the same music. Jesus Christ, could they make my job of recapping any more difficult? It's already a mad dash to get as much information down as possible and now I've got to try and watch two couples at the same time? Thanks a lot, DOI producers.
Sigh, well let's get this show on the road. Judging by the following pairings, I would suggest that T&D purposefully selected celebrities of similar skating ability to go head-to-head.
Jorgie vs Matthew
Heidei vs Charlene
Chico vs Sam
Jennifer vs Sebastien
Corey vs Chemmy
Andy vs Rosemary
Chico vs Sam
Jayne informs me that both celebrities will start the routine together, then one will skate for about a minute, after which the other will take over, and that finally they will end the performance together. So they're not really sharing the ice as much as taking it in turns? .... Which I suppose is probably, technically sharing ... Ok, fine they're 'sharing' the ice. Whatever.
Skating to Under Pressure
Sam starts. He's alright. He's not amazing though and when Chico takes over he looks both faster and more in control than Sam. He also executes a couple of spin jumps better than Sam did, so overall I think Chico wins THE FIRST DUEL.
Oh apparently the judges aren't scoring tonight. So really this is just an evening of skiving all round? Only half a routine for the celebrities, and no scoring for the judges?
Oh wait, they're going back onto the ice to see who the judges are giving immunity to. I wish I'd been paying proper attention so this bloglet didn't look so shoddy.
Chico is awarded immunity.
Jennifer vs Sebastien
Sudden thought. Why is the show on for so long (1.75 hours) when they're getting through perfomances two at a time?
This week Sebastien feels uncomfortable with the dancing. He doesn't have a dancing background like Jennifer, see? Meanwhile, Jennifer is concerned about her skating ability so everyone's worried about something.
They're all in purple outfits, but not a matching purple, which irks me.
Okay, so they're all doing this take it in turns thing. I might be able to cope with this. Jennifer starts and she's a bit like the female equivalent of Sam - alright but nothing particularly special but HOLY JESUS she's doing the amazing splits-move again. While I pick my jaw up off the floor Sebastien has taken over and is doing so much better at actually skating with his partner this week. He also throws in a couple of pretty impressive jumps along the way. I think I'd vote Sebastien.
Someone have a word with the judges about rambling please. After a fair degree of faffing, Sebastien is awarded immunity.
Incidentally, I mis-hear Katerina and think she tells Jennifer she has beautiful lips - think she actually said lifts.
Another sudden thought. What's going to happen in the skate-off? The celebrities are basically skating to half a song so what happens when the other couple, who would be skating to the other half of the song, isn't there?
Corey vs Chemmy
Both were disappointed last week. Chemmy with her perfomance, Corey with the judges' score.
Because Corey is a bit of a twat, he falls out with his PROFESSIONAL skater who ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT during training. Leave, just leave Corey.
Skating to Opposites Attract
Ah ha ha ha! Corey clearly thinks he is Michael Jackson. Unfortunately he is not. He sucks at both dancing and skating. He also seems to have braided his strand of hair?
Oh good, Chemmy's skating. Compared to Corey she's a veritable Jayne Torvill. She will be given immunity.
Phillip talks to Corey and partner after they performed and asks whether they are friends now. They leave it just a nanosecond too long before answering in the affirmative. Hashtag awkward.
Chemmy is awarded immunity.
Not Holly speaks with Corey after the judges' decision and, bless him Corey thinks he's now in the game finally. You're not. People only like you for your ridiculous strand of hair.
Back from the break Phillip and Not Holly actually make me laugh with some cute banter.
T&D are skating! Christina Perri is singing ... but T&D are skating! I love them.
Heidi vs Charlene
These two are pretty evenly matched and have both been in the skate-off.
Charlene is concerned about actually having to skate this week. Heidi is worried about a lift towards the end of the routine.
Charlene kicks things off. Does she remind anyone else of Dolly Parton? Without wishing to sound like Simon Cowell, the skating is fairly average. After a while Heidi decides she's had enough of Charlene hogging the ice and so rugby tackles her to the ground in order that she and Andrei can have their turn.
I don't really mind who gets immunity out of these two. I think I prefer Charlene out of the celebrities but I definitely prefer Andrei out of the professionals.
Heidi wins immunity.
Jorgie vs Matthew
These two got the same score last week. I dislike Matthew so I'm hoping Jorgie wins immunity. Apparently they both have difficult lifts to master. Jorgie tells me that in one of her lifts she is spinning so fast that she could take off. That's not strictly true, is it?
This is going to be awesome, isn't it? There are silver trousers and everything. Matthew starts. He even has the cheek to do that controlled falling over move. Dammit he's good. I think he's painted his nails, this is never a good look on a man. Jorgie takes over. She's ace but I don't know if it's enough to win immunity over Matthew. I'm nervous for her.
Damn. It. Matthew wins immunity. I'm off to sulk for a bit.
Rosemary vs Andy
Another two which are fairly evenly matched - first week Rosemary scored better, second week Andy scored better.
Skating to Baby It's Cold Outside which is a Christmas song because it's on our Christmas album. Why are they skating to a Christmas song? It's almost February.
I'm going to be honest and confess that we started dinner during this perfomance and because I'm a lazy recapper I can't be bothered to watch the last 5 minutes on itv player later on. Instead, I shall mention how much Andy looks like a proboscis monkey. Here is proof.
And with that, I leave you with news that Rosemary wins immunity and bid you adieu until the same time next week.
Sunday, 22 January 2012
Dancing on Ice 2012 (3)
Another Sunday, another Dancing on Ice recap.
This week all 13 celebrities will be performing. Holy Jesus this is going to make for a long bloglet. Alcohol may be required.
How about a drinking game? Feel free to rewatch the show as you read and join in with the drinking. Okay, rules. Drink every time:
1. One of the professional skaters says words to the effect of "I'm so proud of [insert celebrity's name]. It's been a tough week and [he/she] has done really well."
2. Louie says that he's not concentrating on skating technique, like the other judges, but the dance aspect of the performance.
3. Tony Gubba (the commentator) makes a pun/slightly back-handed compliment.
Excellent. If we stick to the above rules we should all be suitably plastered by the end of the evening. Don't worry, I'll prompt you when you need to be drinking ... and I suppose you could have a soft drink instead of an alcoholic one ... if you have to.
Tonight's show is the first of the year to have a theme: movies. Personally, I'm hoping someone will have a go at the Dirty Dancing lift. If anyone does I shall down my drink.
No performance from the professional skaters this week, presumably in order to fit everyone else in, so after a quick reminder of who everyone is, we're into the first performance of the night ...
Chico and Jodeynne (Top Gun)
Christopher Dean reckons Chico surprised himself by how good he was last week. Louie thinks that last week's performance was too cheesy, but Chico assures us that this week he will be coolness personified.
Oh he's good, isn't he? In the intro, Jayne mentioned that Chico could be a dark horse and I'm inclined to agree: he looks natural and confident on the ice. Very nice perfomance executed well.
Judges' scores: 18.0 - that's got to be one of the highest. I can't be bothered to check at the moment.
Jodeynne's proud - DRINK (rule 1)
Katerina thinks it was the perfect start to the night, Louie says he has a loving feeling (nod to the song they were skating to), Robin says that Chico is confident over the ice but that there isn't an arrogant bone in his body. Take note, Matthew, I'm taking that as a dig against your "I have a dancing background so I should be pretty good" attitude.
By the way, in one of my previous DOI bloglets I mentioned that Chico is a love him/hate him kind of a guy. I think I love him.
Also by the way, special mention to my sister, Sarah, who is watching DOI with me for the first time this series. If she comes out with any corkers I'll be sure to let you know.
Rosemary and Mark
Rosemary found last week incredibly scary and says she was disappointed in herself when she, quote, "Had that little whoopsie at the start of the routine." 'Whoopsie' in my world = accidental wee/poo so I laugh through the rest of their introductory video.
She's alright. A little shakey. Probably because she doesn't want a repeat of that whoopsie.
Tony - "Is she the fittest pensioner in the UK?" I'm taking that as a back-handed compliment because he didn't need to mention her age - DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 10.5
Robin wants Rosemary to have more confidence in her skating ability, apparently the way that Rosemary's excitement turns to fear on the ice breaks Katerina's heart. Louie doesn't see much of an improvement from last week.
Sarah enjoys the toilet humour ... 'Wind beneath my wings' ... 'let rip' ... 'little whoopsie'
Sam and Alexandra (Kung Fu Panda)
Sam is very worried about a backflip where he has to throw Alexandra over his head. He's also a little worried about looking like a twerp when he has to punch the air throughout the routine. Ah bless, the backflip at the end of the routine goes well and Sam celebrates before the end of the music.
Tony - "Well that backflip was dangerous ... but more so for the professional" DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 16.0
Phillip larks around with the sound guy by punching the air with added sound effects.
Katerina thinks the performance was flawless, Robin could apparently see into Sam's brain that he was worried about the backflip at the end of the routine. Could you, Robin? INTO his brain? I think you lie, sir. Louie is looking at the way the moves are executed, not so much the technical skating - DRINK (rule 2)
Disaster - I have run out of alcohol. Hold the fort for a sec will you?
Ugh, Matthew 'The Arrogance' tells Not Holly that he should have fallen over in his performance last week because he was so good that it'll be hard for him to top last week's routine. UGH. Get out my face, Matthew.
Chemmy and Sean (Sister Act)
Because I was ranting about Matthew I miss most of Chemmy's video but she seems to be having a tough time. This is good because Sean will probably say he's proud of her afterwards.
What an excellent song (Rescue Me) and they're even in habits! I love it! Ok, concentrate Becky. Well that didn't take long for Sean to whip the habit off Chemmy. I don't know what she was worried about - she's a bit shaky but she's fine. The lift towards the end of the routine looked a bit dodgey but all in all it's ok.
Judges' score: 10.5 so apparently I wasn't paying enough attention.
I swear Tony says "You wouldn't know it, but she wears a death egg" What. The. Hell?
Sean's proud - DRINK
Louie commends them for trying the lift at the end (I miss the name of it) and accuses Chemmy of having very stiff fingers, Katerina says Chemmy is a pretty big woman and shouldn't do the lifts (oh holy mackrel ... #awkward)
Moving very swiftly on we have
Corey (and his hair) and Brooke (Stand By Me)
Apparently there will be Michael Jackson moves in this VERY SLOW SONG. This may look ri-donk-ulous.
He does look a little twerpy with his backing dancers, just doing some MJ moves off the ice at the start ... and actually when they try to incorporate some of these moves into the routine it looks just as twerpy. Also his skating ability hasn't improved much since last week. And he still has his hair so it's pretty bad.
Judges' score: 8.0 #ouch
LMAO Phillip has a copy cat piece of Corey hair. What a joker he is.
Christopher Dean is proud of Corey's attitude ... that still counts as a DRINK in my books. Louie commends T&D for working with what they've got but that they don't have much in Corey. Geez, this section of the show is AWKWARD.
Holy crap there are still 8 performances to go. Hang in there folks.
Phillip and Not Holly try to amuse me but their jokes are lame. Bring back the Willoughby.
Jennifer and Dan (Dream Girls)
This week Jennifer has some big lifts. She finds it challenging. She is having rib owwies and apparently hasn't been able to get through the routine properly yet.
Apparently one of Sarah's friends, John used to do this song every week at karaoke. He closed his eyes and everything. Because we were chatting about this, Sarah and I sort of missed the whole of the skating routine. Judging by the replay it seems to have gone well though.
Judges' score: 18.0
Dan - "It was a tough week but we did it, well done Jen." DRINK
Louie was absolutely loving it, Robin wants Jennifer to get down into the ice a bit more by using her ankles ............... nope, no idea.
Mark (off of Sam and Mark) and Frankie (The Blues Brothers)
Mark thinks he needs to start stepping up to the mark - ha! I hadn't realised the pun until I just typed it. Hilarious. Oh, I'd forgotten it was Frankie the shrew. Ugh.
They start off the ice, somewhat more successfully than Corey and his MJ moves did. Once they get on the ice it's a little slow still but I don't think it's quite as shakey as last time.
Judges' score: 10.5 they're happy with the improvement (from 8.0)
Frankie's proud that Mark did everything she asked of him - DRINK
Katerina thinks the choreography is very clever because it "Hides what is not there" I love this woman. I actually love her. Louie thinks Mark is a bit ploddy.
Not Holly tries to cheer up Chemmy by telling her that she's trending on twitter. Well that's nice.
Jorgie and Matt (9 to 5)
I don't like that she spells her name with a J. Why can't she spell her name properly?
This week Jorgie struggles to master the 'sit lift'. She is concerned because this apparently puts her about 12 feet in the air ... what, Matt's about 6 feet and then has 6 feet arms? Moron.
What she lacks in spelling ability she certainly makes up for in skating. She's ace. Must be the best of the women
Tony - "Well Jorgie has unusually long fingers." DRINK
Judges' score: 21.5 the highest of the series so far.
Louie thinks it was fast, fun and furious, Katerina thinks Jorgie is like a shining jewel, Robin likes the versatility Jorgie shows.
Matthew and Nina (Saturday Night Fever)
Maybe Matthew won't be as arrogant tonight. Maybe I'll actually like him. Ugh, Matthew has taken it upon himself to choreograph his partner. Go away. Jesus Christ, during training Matthew drops Nina and falls on top of her. How chivalrous of you.
They start off the ice. I'm bored of this little trick now. Get on with it. Oh bloody hell why do I always dislike the good ones? Credit where it's due, he's very good. Not sure it'll be good enough to beat Jorgie though.
Judges' score: 21.5 and he matches Jorgie. Least he didn't beat her.
Nina trusts Matthew and is proud of him DRINK.
Robin says the skating skills are brilliant, Katerina agrees. Louie thinks the energy wasn't there tonight.
Charlene and Matthew (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)
I announce to Sarah, who hasn't seen previous episodes, that Charlene was in Dallas. My mum pipes up that she used to be known as the Poisoned Dwarf which is my favourite piece of information I've heard in a long time.
Again with the starting off the ice. That's enough of that, thank you. I like her. She's not really anything special compared to other celebrity skaters, but I really like her. She's pretty confident ... and I like her dress this week.
Judges score: 15.0
Matthew likes skating with Charlene because it's like "Working with a piece of Hollywood."
Katerina 'has pure enjoyment' from watching Charlene, Louie thinks the characterisation was fabulous.
Sebastien and Brianne (Donnie Darko)
This week these two are concentrating on skating with each other because of comments made by the judges. Good, because that annoyed me last week.
Hey, guess where they're starting, folks? Yep, exactly. They're much better at working together though ... but there's still a bit of him showing off what he can do rather than skating WITH Brianne.
Judges' score: 18.0
Sebastien finds it difficult to work with a partner because free running is all done alone. Really? How hard is it, as a human, to work with another human? Free running is a poor excuse.
We haven't had a DRINK in a while.
Andy and Vicky (Grease)
This week Andy's trying to look cool. So he enlists the help of Ray bloody Quinn? Bad move, Andy.
You know, he's not half bad, despite listening to Ray's advice.
Judges' score: 14.0
Jayne is surprised at how good his skating is. There's confidence for you.
Tony makes some comment about Andy's hair looking like Jedward. DRINK
Heidi and Andrei (Goldfinger)
Heidi didn't like being in the skate off. She is excited about this week's routine though. One of the Sugababes comes to lend moral support. Thanks, One of the Sugababes.
Holy bejeezus I wasn't paying enough attention at the start of the show. Heidi is in a gold catsuit. She looks stunning. Skating aint half bad either. She looks much more confident than she did two weeks ago.
Judges' score: 15.5
Heidi says she doesn't feel sexy when Andrei's telling her to 'get down on her knees' ... the audience realises what she's said before she does and there are several moments of sniggering all round.
After a quick round up of tonight's performances, Not Holly reminds us to tune back into the results show after 'The African Epic - Wild at Heart'. You just went up in my estimations, Not Holly.
This week all 13 celebrities will be performing. Holy Jesus this is going to make for a long bloglet. Alcohol may be required.
How about a drinking game? Feel free to rewatch the show as you read and join in with the drinking. Okay, rules. Drink every time:
1. One of the professional skaters says words to the effect of "I'm so proud of [insert celebrity's name]. It's been a tough week and [he/she] has done really well."
2. Louie says that he's not concentrating on skating technique, like the other judges, but the dance aspect of the performance.
3. Tony Gubba (the commentator) makes a pun/slightly back-handed compliment.
Excellent. If we stick to the above rules we should all be suitably plastered by the end of the evening. Don't worry, I'll prompt you when you need to be drinking ... and I suppose you could have a soft drink instead of an alcoholic one ... if you have to.
Tonight's show is the first of the year to have a theme: movies. Personally, I'm hoping someone will have a go at the Dirty Dancing lift. If anyone does I shall down my drink.
No performance from the professional skaters this week, presumably in order to fit everyone else in, so after a quick reminder of who everyone is, we're into the first performance of the night ...
Chico and Jodeynne (Top Gun)
Christopher Dean reckons Chico surprised himself by how good he was last week. Louie thinks that last week's performance was too cheesy, but Chico assures us that this week he will be coolness personified.
Oh he's good, isn't he? In the intro, Jayne mentioned that Chico could be a dark horse and I'm inclined to agree: he looks natural and confident on the ice. Very nice perfomance executed well.
Judges' scores: 18.0 - that's got to be one of the highest. I can't be bothered to check at the moment.
Jodeynne's proud - DRINK (rule 1)
Katerina thinks it was the perfect start to the night, Louie says he has a loving feeling (nod to the song they were skating to), Robin says that Chico is confident over the ice but that there isn't an arrogant bone in his body. Take note, Matthew, I'm taking that as a dig against your "I have a dancing background so I should be pretty good" attitude.
By the way, in one of my previous DOI bloglets I mentioned that Chico is a love him/hate him kind of a guy. I think I love him.
Also by the way, special mention to my sister, Sarah, who is watching DOI with me for the first time this series. If she comes out with any corkers I'll be sure to let you know.
Rosemary and Mark
Rosemary found last week incredibly scary and says she was disappointed in herself when she, quote, "Had that little whoopsie at the start of the routine." 'Whoopsie' in my world = accidental wee/poo so I laugh through the rest of their introductory video.
She's alright. A little shakey. Probably because she doesn't want a repeat of that whoopsie.
Tony - "Is she the fittest pensioner in the UK?" I'm taking that as a back-handed compliment because he didn't need to mention her age - DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 10.5
Robin wants Rosemary to have more confidence in her skating ability, apparently the way that Rosemary's excitement turns to fear on the ice breaks Katerina's heart. Louie doesn't see much of an improvement from last week.
Sarah enjoys the toilet humour ... 'Wind beneath my wings' ... 'let rip' ... 'little whoopsie'
Sam and Alexandra (Kung Fu Panda)
Sam is very worried about a backflip where he has to throw Alexandra over his head. He's also a little worried about looking like a twerp when he has to punch the air throughout the routine. Ah bless, the backflip at the end of the routine goes well and Sam celebrates before the end of the music.
Tony - "Well that backflip was dangerous ... but more so for the professional" DRINK (rule 3)
Judges' score: 16.0
Phillip larks around with the sound guy by punching the air with added sound effects.
Katerina thinks the performance was flawless, Robin could apparently see into Sam's brain that he was worried about the backflip at the end of the routine. Could you, Robin? INTO his brain? I think you lie, sir. Louie is looking at the way the moves are executed, not so much the technical skating - DRINK (rule 2)
Disaster - I have run out of alcohol. Hold the fort for a sec will you?
Ugh, Matthew 'The Arrogance' tells Not Holly that he should have fallen over in his performance last week because he was so good that it'll be hard for him to top last week's routine. UGH. Get out my face, Matthew.
Chemmy and Sean (Sister Act)
Because I was ranting about Matthew I miss most of Chemmy's video but she seems to be having a tough time. This is good because Sean will probably say he's proud of her afterwards.
What an excellent song (Rescue Me) and they're even in habits! I love it! Ok, concentrate Becky. Well that didn't take long for Sean to whip the habit off Chemmy. I don't know what she was worried about - she's a bit shaky but she's fine. The lift towards the end of the routine looked a bit dodgey but all in all it's ok.
Judges' score: 10.5 so apparently I wasn't paying enough attention.
I swear Tony says "You wouldn't know it, but she wears a death egg" What. The. Hell?
Sean's proud - DRINK
Louie commends them for trying the lift at the end (I miss the name of it) and accuses Chemmy of having very stiff fingers, Katerina says Chemmy is a pretty big woman and shouldn't do the lifts (oh holy mackrel ... #awkward)
Moving very swiftly on we have
Corey (and his hair) and Brooke (Stand By Me)
Apparently there will be Michael Jackson moves in this VERY SLOW SONG. This may look ri-donk-ulous.
He does look a little twerpy with his backing dancers, just doing some MJ moves off the ice at the start ... and actually when they try to incorporate some of these moves into the routine it looks just as twerpy. Also his skating ability hasn't improved much since last week. And he still has his hair so it's pretty bad.
Judges' score: 8.0 #ouch
LMAO Phillip has a copy cat piece of Corey hair. What a joker he is.
Christopher Dean is proud of Corey's attitude ... that still counts as a DRINK in my books. Louie commends T&D for working with what they've got but that they don't have much in Corey. Geez, this section of the show is AWKWARD.
Holy crap there are still 8 performances to go. Hang in there folks.
Phillip and Not Holly try to amuse me but their jokes are lame. Bring back the Willoughby.
Jennifer and Dan (Dream Girls)
This week Jennifer has some big lifts. She finds it challenging. She is having rib owwies and apparently hasn't been able to get through the routine properly yet.
Apparently one of Sarah's friends, John used to do this song every week at karaoke. He closed his eyes and everything. Because we were chatting about this, Sarah and I sort of missed the whole of the skating routine. Judging by the replay it seems to have gone well though.
Judges' score: 18.0
Dan - "It was a tough week but we did it, well done Jen." DRINK
Louie was absolutely loving it, Robin wants Jennifer to get down into the ice a bit more by using her ankles ............... nope, no idea.
Mark (off of Sam and Mark) and Frankie (The Blues Brothers)
Mark thinks he needs to start stepping up to the mark - ha! I hadn't realised the pun until I just typed it. Hilarious. Oh, I'd forgotten it was Frankie the shrew. Ugh.
They start off the ice, somewhat more successfully than Corey and his MJ moves did. Once they get on the ice it's a little slow still but I don't think it's quite as shakey as last time.
Judges' score: 10.5 they're happy with the improvement (from 8.0)
Frankie's proud that Mark did everything she asked of him - DRINK
Katerina thinks the choreography is very clever because it "Hides what is not there" I love this woman. I actually love her. Louie thinks Mark is a bit ploddy.
Not Holly tries to cheer up Chemmy by telling her that she's trending on twitter. Well that's nice.
Jorgie and Matt (9 to 5)
I don't like that she spells her name with a J. Why can't she spell her name properly?
This week Jorgie struggles to master the 'sit lift'. She is concerned because this apparently puts her about 12 feet in the air ... what, Matt's about 6 feet and then has 6 feet arms? Moron.
What she lacks in spelling ability she certainly makes up for in skating. She's ace. Must be the best of the women
Tony - "Well Jorgie has unusually long fingers." DRINK
Judges' score: 21.5 the highest of the series so far.
Louie thinks it was fast, fun and furious, Katerina thinks Jorgie is like a shining jewel, Robin likes the versatility Jorgie shows.
Matthew and Nina (Saturday Night Fever)
Maybe Matthew won't be as arrogant tonight. Maybe I'll actually like him. Ugh, Matthew has taken it upon himself to choreograph his partner. Go away. Jesus Christ, during training Matthew drops Nina and falls on top of her. How chivalrous of you.
They start off the ice. I'm bored of this little trick now. Get on with it. Oh bloody hell why do I always dislike the good ones? Credit where it's due, he's very good. Not sure it'll be good enough to beat Jorgie though.
Judges' score: 21.5 and he matches Jorgie. Least he didn't beat her.
Nina trusts Matthew and is proud of him DRINK.
Robin says the skating skills are brilliant, Katerina agrees. Louie thinks the energy wasn't there tonight.
Charlene and Matthew (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)
I announce to Sarah, who hasn't seen previous episodes, that Charlene was in Dallas. My mum pipes up that she used to be known as the Poisoned Dwarf which is my favourite piece of information I've heard in a long time.
Again with the starting off the ice. That's enough of that, thank you. I like her. She's not really anything special compared to other celebrity skaters, but I really like her. She's pretty confident ... and I like her dress this week.
Judges score: 15.0
Matthew likes skating with Charlene because it's like "Working with a piece of Hollywood."
Katerina 'has pure enjoyment' from watching Charlene, Louie thinks the characterisation was fabulous.
Sebastien and Brianne (Donnie Darko)
This week these two are concentrating on skating with each other because of comments made by the judges. Good, because that annoyed me last week.
Hey, guess where they're starting, folks? Yep, exactly. They're much better at working together though ... but there's still a bit of him showing off what he can do rather than skating WITH Brianne.
Judges' score: 18.0
Sebastien finds it difficult to work with a partner because free running is all done alone. Really? How hard is it, as a human, to work with another human? Free running is a poor excuse.
We haven't had a DRINK in a while.
Andy and Vicky (Grease)
This week Andy's trying to look cool. So he enlists the help of Ray bloody Quinn? Bad move, Andy.
You know, he's not half bad, despite listening to Ray's advice.
Judges' score: 14.0
Jayne is surprised at how good his skating is. There's confidence for you.
Tony makes some comment about Andy's hair looking like Jedward. DRINK
Heidi and Andrei (Goldfinger)
Heidi didn't like being in the skate off. She is excited about this week's routine though. One of the Sugababes comes to lend moral support. Thanks, One of the Sugababes.
Holy bejeezus I wasn't paying enough attention at the start of the show. Heidi is in a gold catsuit. She looks stunning. Skating aint half bad either. She looks much more confident than she did two weeks ago.
Judges' score: 15.5
Heidi says she doesn't feel sexy when Andrei's telling her to 'get down on her knees' ... the audience realises what she's said before she does and there are several moments of sniggering all round.
After a quick round up of tonight's performances, Not Holly reminds us to tune back into the results show after 'The African Epic - Wild at Heart'. You just went up in my estimations, Not Holly.
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Dancing on Ice 2012 (2)
Evening all. Hope you're sitting comfortably. If you're not, may I suggest you find somewhere comfortable to sit as we've got two hours of DOI to get through tonight. Two hours? You could fly to Paris and back in that time. Well actually you couldn't because you'd have to meet Mickey before you flew back and that would take AT LEAST half an hour. Anyway ... back to the task in hand ...
If I'm not mistaken, tonight we will see another 8 celebrities skating. Yup, the show's on for 2 hours and there are only 8 performances ... that's one pair every 15 minutes ... that's a hell of a lot of faffing.
The professional skaters are starting the show again! I hope this continues throughout the course of the series because they're ace. You know who's not ace? Pixie Lott. No, that's not fair, she's normally okay but something's not right tonight and she sounds like she's losing her voice and having to force it. Oh phew, Phillip and Not-Holly have turned up to introduce the celebrities and we don't have to listen to Pixie any longer. Well done, you two.
Not-Holly goes to have a little chat with the judges and oh dear lord I've only just taken notice of her hair tonight. She's tried to copy Katerina's from last week but it's not worked, it's not worked! Take it away!
Jennifer and Dan
Right, immediately I foresee issues with these two. Not because of anything they've said or done, but because she reminds me of Kerry Katona and that is just NOT GOOD.
Wow, that girl can do the splits! I like this routine, it's very cute. Bit safe but it's nice. Yep, I think the word for it is nice. Considering people who have been partnered with Dan in the past have tended towards being carried around the rink, Jennifer's doing a good job of skating.
Tony informs me the routine ended with a 'scorpion kiss'. If you say so, Gubba.
Judges' score: 15.5. Only Chemmy and Jorgie scored higher last week (16.0 and 18.5 respectively if you were wondering).
Sam and Alexandra
(The other one off of Sam and Mark)
Straight away we're in Dad Dancing territory, so I therefore love him. Speed over the ice isn't great but he's doing quite a lot on his own and there are some pretty tricky elements ... if this doesn't earn him a better score than Mark last week, I'll eat my shoe.
Judges' score: 15.5 (Mark scored 8.0). Louie feels Sam could really progress in the competition, Robin is impressed with Sam's confidence.
Rosemary and Mark
Two quick facts for you.
1. This is apparently the fulfilment of a dream for Rosemary.
2. Her skating partner thinks she seems like the perfect grandmother.
She's going to be the one who gets a slow routine every week, isn't she? Although, having said that, there's quite a stumble at the start of the routine and she may not actually make it through to future weeks of the competition ...
For the rest of the routine she seems to relax and, all in all, apart from the stumble at the beginning, it is alright.
Judges' score: 12.5
Rosemary informs us it's a huge privilege for her to be on the show because (and I quote), "It's the greatest show on Earth" Word, Rosemary, word.
Louie is thankful for the early stumble because it made Rosemary relax, Katerina thinks Rosemary is an inspiration. Basically everyone is ever so impressed that Rosemary is 65 and still looks as good as she does.
Laila and Lukasz
The VT puts a lot of emphasis on an early shoulder injury which puts Laila back a number of weeks, so I'm not expecting much from this performance.
She's singing along to the song! I love her for it. It's not the same standard as others in the competition but, you know what, it's more than I could do, so good on you, Laila. I hope you get through to next week.
Judges' score: 9.5
Sebastien and Brianne
Apparently this guy was the founder of free-running so I am expecting experimentally fantastic things from him.
It's good ... in a kind of 'he's added lots of his own ideas regardless of what Torvill and Dean have said' kind of a way. And that irks me. Also, the worries in the VT of him not realising it's a team sport show through in the routine because, at times, it looks like he doesn't realise Brianne is on the ice with him.
Judges' score: 17.5
Louie likes the separation in the routine because it's contemporary, so clearly I'm wrong.
Chico and Jodeyne
Chico is one of those people whom you either love or hate. Haven't made my mind up yet. I'll get back to you.
He's good. I don't feel nervous watching him, which is always a bonus for the first week. He's also fairly speedy and judging by the footage on the VT, he's a fast learner.
Tony: "If his talent matched his confidence he'd be an Olympic champion."
Judges' score: 18.5 That's the same as Jorgie last week. I thought it was good but not THAT good. Goodness.
Katerina picks up on an earlier comment about Chico being a horse in a race and not wanting to fall at the final hurdle, by saying that he has the potential to be a thoroughbred. Good one, Kat.
Louie nearly explodes with campness.
Only two more to go and, because we've still got half an hour of the show, the producers decide to fill some time with a video of reactions of those who skated last week. No, I'm not very interested either.
Corey and Brooke
Corey was apparently in The Goonies. Anything since then? And WHAT ON EARTH is that RIDICULOUS piece of hair for? He looks like Creepy Thin Man from the Charlie's Angels films. Apparently it has its own twitter account (@Coreysbitofhair)
During training Christopher Dean actually utters the words, "Basically he can't do anything." I am looking forward to this immensely.
Much to my disappointment he's not that bad. I mean, he's bad and very unstable but I was expecting a Todd Carty level of skill.
Tony accidentally calls him 'Corrie', like the soap, which fills me with no end of joy.
Judges' score: 11.0
Katerina thinks it looks like Corey is walking on raw eggs when he skates.
Matthew and Nina
Matthew is arrogance/confidence personified. I dislike him. He will probably be amazing. He may well be this year's Ray bloody Quinn.
Gayest outfit ever, and that's saying a lot for Dancing on Ice. Very leathery. Yep, he's good. Nope, I don't like him.
Judges' score: 20.5 ... oh squidgey arse farts he's got the highest score out of the first two weeks.
Louie is practically lost for words and that is saying A LOT for him, Katerina wants him to get rid of the leather, Robin is excited for the rest of the series.
Right, that's your lot, I'm off to get started on the Baileys during Wild at Heart. See you next time!
If I'm not mistaken, tonight we will see another 8 celebrities skating. Yup, the show's on for 2 hours and there are only 8 performances ... that's one pair every 15 minutes ... that's a hell of a lot of faffing.
The professional skaters are starting the show again! I hope this continues throughout the course of the series because they're ace. You know who's not ace? Pixie Lott. No, that's not fair, she's normally okay but something's not right tonight and she sounds like she's losing her voice and having to force it. Oh phew, Phillip and Not-Holly have turned up to introduce the celebrities and we don't have to listen to Pixie any longer. Well done, you two.
Not-Holly goes to have a little chat with the judges and oh dear lord I've only just taken notice of her hair tonight. She's tried to copy Katerina's from last week but it's not worked, it's not worked! Take it away!
Jennifer and Dan
Right, immediately I foresee issues with these two. Not because of anything they've said or done, but because she reminds me of Kerry Katona and that is just NOT GOOD.
Wow, that girl can do the splits! I like this routine, it's very cute. Bit safe but it's nice. Yep, I think the word for it is nice. Considering people who have been partnered with Dan in the past have tended towards being carried around the rink, Jennifer's doing a good job of skating.
Tony informs me the routine ended with a 'scorpion kiss'. If you say so, Gubba.
Judges' score: 15.5. Only Chemmy and Jorgie scored higher last week (16.0 and 18.5 respectively if you were wondering).
Sam and Alexandra
(The other one off of Sam and Mark)
Straight away we're in Dad Dancing territory, so I therefore love him. Speed over the ice isn't great but he's doing quite a lot on his own and there are some pretty tricky elements ... if this doesn't earn him a better score than Mark last week, I'll eat my shoe.
Judges' score: 15.5 (Mark scored 8.0). Louie feels Sam could really progress in the competition, Robin is impressed with Sam's confidence.
Rosemary and Mark
Two quick facts for you.
1. This is apparently the fulfilment of a dream for Rosemary.
2. Her skating partner thinks she seems like the perfect grandmother.
She's going to be the one who gets a slow routine every week, isn't she? Although, having said that, there's quite a stumble at the start of the routine and she may not actually make it through to future weeks of the competition ...
For the rest of the routine she seems to relax and, all in all, apart from the stumble at the beginning, it is alright.
Judges' score: 12.5
Rosemary informs us it's a huge privilege for her to be on the show because (and I quote), "It's the greatest show on Earth" Word, Rosemary, word.
Louie is thankful for the early stumble because it made Rosemary relax, Katerina thinks Rosemary is an inspiration. Basically everyone is ever so impressed that Rosemary is 65 and still looks as good as she does.
Laila and Lukasz
The VT puts a lot of emphasis on an early shoulder injury which puts Laila back a number of weeks, so I'm not expecting much from this performance.
She's singing along to the song! I love her for it. It's not the same standard as others in the competition but, you know what, it's more than I could do, so good on you, Laila. I hope you get through to next week.
Judges' score: 9.5
Sebastien and Brianne
Apparently this guy was the founder of free-running so I am expecting experimentally fantastic things from him.
It's good ... in a kind of 'he's added lots of his own ideas regardless of what Torvill and Dean have said' kind of a way. And that irks me. Also, the worries in the VT of him not realising it's a team sport show through in the routine because, at times, it looks like he doesn't realise Brianne is on the ice with him.
Judges' score: 17.5
Louie likes the separation in the routine because it's contemporary, so clearly I'm wrong.
Chico and Jodeyne
Chico is one of those people whom you either love or hate. Haven't made my mind up yet. I'll get back to you.
He's good. I don't feel nervous watching him, which is always a bonus for the first week. He's also fairly speedy and judging by the footage on the VT, he's a fast learner.
Tony: "If his talent matched his confidence he'd be an Olympic champion."
Judges' score: 18.5 That's the same as Jorgie last week. I thought it was good but not THAT good. Goodness.
Katerina picks up on an earlier comment about Chico being a horse in a race and not wanting to fall at the final hurdle, by saying that he has the potential to be a thoroughbred. Good one, Kat.
Louie nearly explodes with campness.
Only two more to go and, because we've still got half an hour of the show, the producers decide to fill some time with a video of reactions of those who skated last week. No, I'm not very interested either.
Corey and Brooke
Corey was apparently in The Goonies. Anything since then? And WHAT ON EARTH is that RIDICULOUS piece of hair for? He looks like Creepy Thin Man from the Charlie's Angels films. Apparently it has its own twitter account (@Coreysbitofhair)
During training Christopher Dean actually utters the words, "Basically he can't do anything." I am looking forward to this immensely.
Much to my disappointment he's not that bad. I mean, he's bad and very unstable but I was expecting a Todd Carty level of skill.
Tony accidentally calls him 'Corrie', like the soap, which fills me with no end of joy.
Judges' score: 11.0
Katerina thinks it looks like Corey is walking on raw eggs when he skates.
Matthew and Nina
Matthew is arrogance/confidence personified. I dislike him. He will probably be amazing. He may well be this year's Ray bloody Quinn.
Gayest outfit ever, and that's saying a lot for Dancing on Ice. Very leathery. Yep, he's good. Nope, I don't like him.
Judges' score: 20.5 ... oh squidgey arse farts he's got the highest score out of the first two weeks.
Louie is practically lost for words and that is saying A LOT for him, Katerina wants him to get rid of the leather, Robin is excited for the rest of the series.
Right, that's your lot, I'm off to get started on the Baileys during Wild at Heart. See you next time!
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