The recap's late but it'll still be great!
That almost certainly won't be the last time I write that phrase this series, so apologies in advance.
Last week Lorna Simpson was the first to be voted off the show, leaving Sharon with just two acts, and everyone else with three.
Tonight's theme is love and heartbreak.
Has Dermot given up on the dancing this year, or is that a special treat reserved for the Sunday results shows?
Oh, this flash vote is to be a weekly thing. I see.
Sam Bailey. To Make You Feel My Love.
Sam has two loves in her life. Football and her husband. I was expecting 'my children and my husband' but nevermind.
Very simple staging (just Sam with a couple of violinists) and the audience is silent until she hits the big notes, which earns the compulsory applause.
Gary says there's a great level of expectation with Sam but that tonight's performance was fantastic. Nicole disagrees and says that it left her 'luke-warm'. Louis cheerfully pipes up that he has a new name for Sam - Screwbo - because she worked at a prison ... and looks like Susan Boyle? Sharon is mightily insulted on behalf of her act. Sharon says it was beautifully confident and controlled.
Kingsland Road. Marry You.
KR are very excited to have nice-looking ladies on stage with them during their performance tonight. Quite a lot of their introductory video is taken up by them talking about the nice-looking ladies and how excited they are about them.
It's good, they're in tune, I'm just not very interested in boy bands. The nice-looking ladies are wearing baseball caps with BRIDE across the front, classy. At the end of the song the dancers each throw a bouquet and Louis ends up catching one. He's so bloody happy - it's absolutely made his day.
Nicole thinks they did a good job but questioned why there weren't any lead vocals. Louis just loves everything and notes that he and Gary know more about boy bands than anyone else on the panel, which has Sharon cackling. Sharon likes the energy. Gary praises their work ethic.
Nicholas McDonald. She's The One.
Louis tells Nicholas what he'll be singing this week and asks whether he's ever been in love. Nicholas seems confused by the question. I'm beginning to think that Nicholas finds life confusing. Because he's never been in love, he's going to sing to Nicole, whom he has a crush on. Bless.
He sings it well but when 'the one' dancer he's supposed to be singing about comes on stage at the end he's pointing at Nicole. Awkward.
Sharon likes the performance but is concerned that the dancer is a 'paediaphile' - what is Mrs O. on tonight? Gary likes his voice but not the staging. Nicole's heart is melted every time she hears Nicholas sing. Louis thinks he has likeability.
Abi Alton. Can't Get You Outta My Head.
Abi finds singing on the live shows terrifying. Nicole takes her bowling. I'm not sure of the link either.
I don't like any of this. The dancers are in It's Raining Men rain coats so I half expect them to strip off at some point, her vocals aren't great and she's quite obviously still very nervous, which makes me nervous.
Louis loved Abi's performance last week but didn't like tonight's. He says he can't get it out of his head 'for all the wrong reasons'. Exactly how long do you think he spends thinking of these hilarious puns? Sharon says it was a big risk, but a brave move. Gary thinks it was a bit sleepy. Nicole prefers Abi's version to the original and says she looks like a hot tamale.
Shelley Smith. Single Ladies.
Shelley didn't like being in the bottom two. Oh Shelley.
It starts off slowly with just Shelley on stage but things soon get marvellously camp when the backing dancers join her. Unfortunately she reminds me of Miss Piggy this week, and the slightly irritating facial expressions are not helping much. She seemed to enjoy herself though.
Gary doesn't like the song choice. Nicole loves the energy but thinks it was a little 'shweird'. Louis thinks Shelley has a future in the West End. Sharon desperately wants people to vote for Shelley.
Dermot informs us that one member of Miss Dynamix was taken ill shortly before the show and, as a result the band will not be performing and will have a free pass through to next week. Apparently the other two in the band couldn't learn her part of the song in time. Personally I think this is rather unfair.
Sam Callahan. I Won't Give Up.
Sam didn't like some of the comments last week about his vocals, so he's worked hard on them this week. That's good. I still don't particularly like you.
If you didn't know that Louis is Sam's mentor, you'd probably be able to guess from the key change/crescendo + stand up combo.
Sharon thinks it was a great song choice. Gary praises Sam for taking a risk. Nicole agrees. Louis says Sam is a dream to work with.
Tamera Foster. Beneath Your Beautiful.
I don't really like the song, but she sings it flawlessly.
Louis says Tamera's potential is incredible. Sharon says the song was perfect for her. Gary calls her a superstar. Nicole thinks it was beautiful, gorgeous and controlled.
Luke Friend. Let Her Go.
Luke's mum calls him a lot because she loves him and is worried about him living away from home for the first time. He finds it embarrassing. I find your hair embarrassing, sonny, but I don't complain about it on TV in front of millions of people.
Odd staging - lots of dry ice, Luke sitting in a boat, which he gets out of towards the end of the song, breaking the illusion of him being stranded at sea. I'm not really sure what the point of the boat was. Perhaps Louis will explain.
Sharon has a soft spot for Luke and asks Louis what the deal was with the boat. Louis says, "Because he's sailing through to next week." I think someone's been taking too many of his moron pills again. Gary didn't like the boat, he wants Luke to get his 'edge' back. Nicole sings about hairy balls (no, honestly she does). Louis thinks Luke is different.
Rough Copy. I Want It That Way.
RC had an excellent first week. One of them (sorry, I don't know their names) has a visit from his three year old son, who is the cutest thing ever.
It's another odd choice of outfits for this lot, but the vocals are good and make up for the fact that one of them is wearing a skirt.
Nicole thinks they took a Backstreet Boys song and turned it into a Boyz II Men song. Louis thinks there's a place for them in the charts. Sharon says their performances are effortless. Gary thinks they're the surprise of the competition.
Hannah Barrett. Beautiful.
Hannah has insecurities about her looks so Nicole takes her shopping.
I hate it when the judges constantly remind us how young a contestant is, but she's got a hell of a voice for a 17 year old. Wow. Nicole looks close to tears.
Louis loves the makeover and the song choice. Sharon says it was magnificent. Gary is on the edge of his seat when he watches Hannah. Nicole: "Hashtag face-goosebumps." I need to start using that phrase.
So that's all the performances. The loser of the flash vote is Kingsland Road and I am reliably informed by twitter that Shelley is voted off on Sunday.
See you next week, hopefully a little more on time :)