Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Would You Rather ...?

Topic three: You must choose between having toes where your fingers are, and fingers where your toes are, OR, having both your nose and your ears attached to your bottom. Which do you choose, and why?

A fine question for a blog of such rambling inanity as this.

My immediate reaction was to go for the finger/toe swap because the alternative sounded awful. What the human body can do to food and drink you give it is disgusting. Amazing, incredible, necessary for digestive bliss, but ultimately disgusting. Sensory organs being near all that jazz? No thank you, sir.

But, seeing as my instructions specifically said that I must consider a few consequences to both options, I will refrain from making a decision just yet. Let's consider the pros and cons, shall we?

(By the way, I am assuming that having surgery to try to correct anything is not an option.)

Option 1: The toe and finger swap
- I could refer to the digits on my feet as 'foot-fingers'.
- Being able to type/write with my feet would be an excellent party trick.
- My new, monkey-like feet would help me climb trees more easily.
- I have exactly the same number of toes as fingers (I know, what are the chances?), so could do a straight swap.

- None of my shoes would fit anymore (my fingers > my toes).
- Basic tasks (doing up buttons, holding cups of tea, tying laces on my new, presumably size 9 or 10 shoes, etc.) would have to be re-learnt by my new hand-toes.
- It would freak the heck out of people, myself included.

Option 2: Ears and nose on bum
- I would learn sign language (I don't imagine butt-ears work well through knickers and trousers).

- Unless I taped them to my face, I could never wear glasses (sun/reading).
- I already get ear infections. Putting them nearer the poop hole can't be good for them.
- Nothing that comes out of the human butt smells good. Nothing.
- Sneezing would confuse the heck out of me.

So, awarding +1 for every advantage and -1 for every disadvantage, the scores are:
The toe/finger swap: 1
Ears/nose on bum: -3

And option 1 wins.

But those are just my thoughts. Maybe you have different ideas. If you do, and you'd like to share them, please leave a comment.


  1. Would you rather leave a trail of poo behind you constantly and have an endless trail of elephants in ever-decreasing size following you eating your poo, or have no control over when you pee and have a clear tube coming out of your pee-hole that wrapped around both legs like trousers,so whenever you peed your legs would look yellow?

    1. Both options make for a rather sucky existence, but I think I shall opt for leaving a trail of poo behind me. This is, of course, assuming that the elephants enjoy their never-ending task. If not, I may have to change my mind: I don't much like the idea of punishing countless elephants.